Week of September 14, 2003
Hagrid: Dumb’y’dor! Nice of you ter stop by! Come in, I just put the kettle on!
Albus: Yes, thanks, but could I ask you something?
Hagrid: O’ course! Sure!
Albus: Does this midget belong to you?
Hagrid: Bilbo?! Y’er in the wrong movie!
Fudge: If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands!
Hagrid: *Clap clap*
Albus: Hagrid, please do not indulge his fantasies…
Dumbledore: *Opens the door, revealing a big, enormous room* Alas, I have found where MuggleNet keeps all the non-winning captions… *echoes*
Dumbledore: Well hello, Hag-how many times do I have to tell you! Do NOT get Fang Drunk! You’re fired!
Hagrid: Uh, professor, this is movie 2 and I don’t teach yet…
Fudge: Dumbledore, what is it? What’s wrong? Is Voldemort back?!
Dumbledore: No, worse… it’s… Mother!
Albus: *Drags Fudge over* Guess what, Hagrid?!
Albus: I’m taller than Cornelius!
Fudge: *Whispers* He’s been doing this all night…
Fudge: Albus, I’ve been thinking and…
Albus: Oh, don’t strain yourself!
Albus: *Leans over and whispers* I’ve got him right here, Hagrid… now just take me to the Blast-Ended Skrewts cage and we can end this reign of non-sense for good…
Fudge: I’m really getting the ‘Best Minister of Magic Ever’ Award?!
Albus: And let me say, you deserve it!
Dumbledore: From now on, Hagrid, I would advise you to get dressed before answering the door…
Dumbledore: Hello, Hagrid!
Eric: *Jumps in front of Hagrid* Haha, Cheese!
*Music plays in background* ‘Wild Thing, you make my heart sing! You make everything groovy!…’
Albus: Hagrid, what are you doing?
Hagrid: Er, Professor Dumbledore, Minister…
Albus: How are you this evening, Hagrid?
Hagrid: Fine, fine. Do you mind, err…turning around so I can get dressed?
Albus: Of course, of course…
Dumbledore: We would like to speak to Eric…
Fudge: Because he never picks Anna’s caption.
-Anna ((And nobody else from now on!))
Albus: That’s why he lives in this hut, and not in the castle… he’s scared too many kids away…
Hagrid: *Wearing a loincloth* GUUUG!! UGGHH!! *bangs on chest*
Hagrid: Ah! It’s those Jehovah’s Witnesses again!
Albus: No, we’re not Jehovah’s Witnesses… we’re with the FBI. We have received information that the culprit who stole the cookies from the cookie jar is here, and we’ve also received word that Waldo is hiding out here too!
Dumbledore: Why, golly!
Fudge: He really does exist!
*Both run and jump on Hagrid’s lap*
Dumbledore: Ah, I like your Pokemon collection, Hagrid! I’ll trade you Pikachu for…
‘Bathe the Whales’?
Dumbledore: Welcome to my walk-in closet, Cornelius!
Fudge: This place is enormous, Dumbledore! What do you need all this room for?
Dumbledore: My socks, of course!
Dumbledore: Or I’ll huff! And I’ll puff! And I’ll blow your house down! *Blows*
Dumbledore: Go get Lupin… he was always better at being a wolf than I was…
Dumbledore: Hello, Hagrid. I’ve brought the Minister. Is everyone here?
Hagrid: Yes, every’un but the stripper…
Dumbledore: *Gasp* Did I leave the bag of popcorn on top of Fawkes’ cage?!
Dumbledore: Hagrid? The Minister would like to –
Grawp: HAGGER NOT HOME!
*They take off*
Hagrid: Great job gettin’ rid o’ solicitors, Grawpy!
Dumbledore: Hello! We are selling the new Magic Mop, and were wondering if we could demonstrate by cleaning your floors for free!
Fudge: *Cough* with a slight $24.99 charge…
Alex Trebek: I’m sorry, you must answer in question form.
Dumbledore: Knock, knock…
Hagrid: Who’s there?
Dumbledore: You know…
Hagrid: ‘You-know’ who?
Fudge: *Screams like a baby* Where?!
Fudge: I think we’ve just opened the portal to…
Dumbledore: The Twilight Zone!
*Twilight Zone Theme Plays*
Dumbledore: ‘Hagrid, look! I shrunk the Minister of Magic!’
Hagrid: Well who coul’dat be? *Opens Door*
Dumbledore: Trick or treat!
Fudge: Smell our feet!
Dumbledore: Give us something good to eat!
Fudge: If you don’t,
Dumbledore: We don’t care!
Fudge: We’ll build a fort from your underwear!
Fudge: *Whispers* What is he watching?
Girl in Movie: Really? That is sooo interesting… would you like some tea, Mrs. Nesbit? It is so nice you could join us on such late notice… what a lovely hat, Mrs. Nesbit!
*A Cowboy doll is shown listening in*
Woody: *High-voiced* Hannah, Hannah…
Hannah: Excuse me, ladies, I’ll be right back…
Fudge: Toy Story?