Week of April 18, 2004
Hermione: Has anyone seen a toad?
Harry & Ron: No, Hermione, she doesn’t come in for another four movies – jeeze!
Ron: ‘Dude’! Seriously, what does mine say?
Harry: ‘Sweet’! What does mine say?
Hermione: Ron, your tattoo says ‘sweet’, Harry, yours says ‘dude’!
Harry: So what does your tattoo say, Hermione?
Hermione: *Blushes and glances at Ron* Well…
~ Harry and Ron were amazed by Hermione’s Disappear-and-replace-yourself-with-a-pile-of-candy Charm.
~ Hermione was amazed that her disappearance didn’t warrant any worry from them.
~ Sociologists were amazed over the affect that candy will have on people in the absence of friends.
Ron: ‘Since when was dropping lolly snakes on your legs such a crime?!’
Hermione: Are those Gummy Snakes on your lap moving?
Ron: You’ve arrived just in time – Harry here was just giving a demonstration of his Gummy Snake Parseltongue charming abilities!
Hermione: Have any of you seen a dozen Chocolate Frogs, four Pumpkin Pasties, two Cauldron Cakes and eight Every-Flavour Beans?
Ron: *Looks at the pile of the dozen Chocolate Frogs, four Pumpkin Pasties, two Cauldron Cakes and eight Every-Flavour Beans* Nope…
Hermione: All right, which one of you popped my piñata?!
Ron: *Mouth full* Arry did, ‘mione…
Emma: Dan, Rupert, guess what?
Dan: *Bored* You won another acting award?
Emma: No; I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.
*Dan and Rupert stare*
Hermione: ‘I thought it in your best interests to tell you, gentlemen, that this room is, in fact, not soundproof. NOR is this one-way glass! So – you might want to keep those ‘raging hormones’ of yours on hold for right now…
Hermione: ‘I hope you saved me a Curly Wurly!’
Hermione: You guys shouldn’t eat so much candy. You’ll get sick, you know – my parents are dentists, so I care about tee-
Ron: *Whispers to Harry* Offer her the choking bean…
Hermione: ‘Are you going do to magic… or are you just happy to see me?’
Hermione: You know, if you two consume that much sugar in this short amount of time, you’ll both be bouncing off the walls at Hogwarts…
Harry: But that’s the point!
Ron: Yeah, we’ll get noticed right away!
Hermione: Peek-a-boo! *Shuts door and then opens it again* Peek-a-boo!
Hermione: Nice rat you’ve got there! You know, you really should perform the Reverso Animago spell on him, just to make sure that he’s not really a wizard in disguise. I read about it in A Wizard’s Guide to Preventing Unexpected Hidden Subplots.
Ron: Get out of here! What are the chances of that?
Hermione: Oh, you’re doing magic? Let’s see it then…
Ron: Sunshine, daisies, butter mellow, turn this stupid fat rat yellow…
*Harry and Ron stare as Hermione turns yellow*
Harry: Not to be rude or anything -
Hermione: Then you’d better quit while you’re ahead…
Hermione: I’m Hermione Granger, by the way, and… you are?
Ron: *Fan voice* In love…
Harry: *Chewing* Hey, Ron, I thought you said chocolate frogs didn’t really have frogs in them?
Ron: They don’t…?
Hermione: Have any of you seen Neville’s toad?
Hermione: Have either of you seen a ring? A guy named Sauron’s lost one…
Ron: Sorry, no…
Ron: Hey, Hermione, let’s play Backwards Hide and Seek! You go hide, and Harry and I will come look for you!
Hermione: Okay! *Runs off to hide*
Harry: Great, she’s gone!
–Two Hours Later–
Hermione: I’ve been hiding for ages, and – hey! You guys ate all of my candy!
Ron: And you might be? *Surprised look*
Hermione: Bond, James Bond.
Harry: You and your American movies! *Rolls eyes*
Hermione: Excuse me – have you guys seen Nemo?
Harry: Seen who?
Hermione: Nemo, he’s a small orange and white fi – What’s that moving in your mouth?!
Ron: *Mouth full* mno-phin…
Hermione: You know all that sugar is going to make you sick, right?
Ron: You know that you’re already making us sick, right?
Hermione: I’ve looked in every compartment, in every closet, in every pocket, through every window, in every backpack and suitcase. I’ve looked in all the text books, I’ve even looked in my afro-like hair – but I can not – find – Waldo!
Hermione: Ron, this is the third and final time I’m coming down here – One Million Bottles of Butterbeer on the Wall is getting really old!
Ron: Shouldn’t you be elsewhere, say like, the bathroom?
Hermione: The bathroom?
Ron: Yeah, y’know, trying to get that abnormally large stick out of -
Harry: SO, how about this weather we’re having?
Ron: Dunno, can’t see over Hermione’s big head!
Hermione: Well at least I don’t still sleep with a teddy bear!
Ron: You leave Mr. Huggles out of this!
Hermione: ‘Boys and their stupid staring contests!’
‘Oh? You’re doing magic? Well I bet you suck compared to me…’
Ron: Sunshine, daisies, flowers, space! Slam the compartment door in her face!
Hermione: ‘Did you hear? A birthday message was posted for Eric late Thursday night so no one would have time to write a caption about it. Luckily, some girl named Nat decided to write one anyway.’
Happy Birthday, Eric!
Hermione: Oh no, Ron!
Ron: Erm… what is it, Hermione?
Hermione: You’ve got dirt! Dirt!
Ron: Huh? Where?!
Hermione: Right there, below your chin *walks closer and points*
Ron: *looks down*
Hermione: *Flogs his nose* Hahahahahaha! I got you, I got you!
*The compartment door opens*
Ron: Whoa – who are you and what’s that hanging from your neck?
Hermione: *Tucking something under collar* Oh, nothing… I just – *looks to Scabbers* say, that’s a nice rat you have there… could I – hold him for a moment?
Ron: Uh – okay, *hands Scabbers to Hermione*
Hermione: Ha! I’ve got you now, Pettigrew!
Scabbers: *Turns yellow*
Hermione: *Whips out time turner, twists round several times and disappears*
Harry: R-ron? What was that?
Hermione: You two’d better change into your robes – I expect we’ll be arriving soon!
Ron: *Whispers to Harry, offended* Pff, who does she think she is – telling us what to wear?
Ron: *Turns back to Hermione* And you‘d better change into your French Maid outfit – I hear the castle’s pretty old and it probably needs a dusting!
Hermione: Hmm… okay, good idea! *Drops her robes*