Week of May 9, 2004
Mrs. Weasley: How many times do I have to tell you, Ron! Don’t put different shades of colors in the laundry! Look what you’ve done to my outfit!
Ron: Sorry, mum…
Harry: *Looks uncomfortable*
Ron: ‘Oh, by the way, Harry, I forgot to mention – Mum’s decided to try and become an animagus. She has to stand there hissing like a cat for hours on end, while clawing the furniture. It’s dead annoying, but at least there’re no mice in the house anymore!’
Molly: Where HAVE you BEEN? You could’ve DIED! You could’ve been SEEN!
Ron: Mum, we were only -
Molly: NO excuses, Ronald! I would never have expected this from you…
Fred and George: *At the same time* But -
Fred: *To George* You first…
George: *To Fred* No, you…
Harry: Mrs. Weasley, Ron and Fred and George had only come to…
R, F, and G: *At the same time* To bring you a present, Mum! We were having trouble wrapping it… *they hand her the gift* Happy Mother’s Day!
Molly: Oh, you three – you really didn’t have to! Look – three lovely homemade pies! And just in time, too! *She throws a pie in each of her son’s faces*
Harry: *Whispers to Ron, on the floor covered in pie* There aren’t any left, right?
Mrs. Weasley: Harry, you know better than to run around in your underpants!
Harry: …Want me to take them off?
Mrs. Weasley: *Observing all the young people in her kitchen* ‘I have had it! I childproof the house and they still keep getting in!’
Mrs. Weasley: Where have you been?! What? Driving that enchanted car?! No, I am not angry that you drove it – I’m angry that you’re fourteen and you think you’re old enough to drive!
After Harry saw the blue percale slipcovers on the armchairs and the apothecary chest in the corner, he came to the conclusion that the Weasley’s living room was beginning to look suspiciously like the one on page 57 of the Pottery Barn catalogue.
Mrs. Weasley: ‘I just can’t… just can’t believe it’s not butter!’
Mrs. Weasley: *Through gritted teeth* You… ate… all of… MY… Grey Poupon?!
Ron: *Trembling, frightened* S-s-s-sorry, M-m-mum-m… Y-yeah… W-w-we d-did…
*Mrs. Weasley suddenly sprouts purplish scales and morphs into a T-Rex, storming off in search of Grey Poupon*
Mrs. Weasley: This is what you call a Mothers’ Day celebration – stealing your father’s car and flying all over England?
Fred: Mum, we needed Harry there to help pick out a present!
Mrs. Weasley: Yeah, because he knows so much about Mothers’ Day, being an orphan and all…
Harry: Harsh, Mrs. Weasley – too harsh…
Molly: ROAR! ROAR! ROAR!
Harry: Um, Ron, what’s going on?
Ron: She gets like this once a month – I’ve tried asking Hermione about it, but she just rolls her eyes and says it’s a girl thing…
Mrs. Weasley: I don’t want to know where you’ve been, what you were doing, or who you’ve been doing it with!
Fred and George: Good… cause the details are a bit hazy to us at this point…
Mrs. Weasley: …and what do you have to say for yourselves?
Ron: … is breakfast ready?
Harry: It goes… ‘There was an old lady who swallowed a fly, I don’t know why she swallowed a fly -’
Ron: I think I know why…
Julie Walters: *Singing loudly* Aaaalabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansaas…
Dan: *Thinking* Err, this is the last time I ask the cast to help with my US geography homework!
Harry: Hey, you know, Ron, they say if you yell constantly for five years, you can heat a cup of coffee to boiling point?
Ron: Seriously? You’re kidding…
Mrs. Weasley: Well let’s find out! One, two, three… *starts yelling*
AAARGH! THIS COUCH IS EATING MY LEGS! SOMEBODY STOP IT!
Mrs. Weasley: I stay home all day cleaning, cooking and slaving over a hot wand – and this is the thanks I get?!
Ron: Bloody hell, mum – if the wand was that hot, why didn’t you just put it down?
‘Had you done a proper job of de-gnoming, I wouldn’t be getting bitten by one right now!‘
Mrs. Weasley: I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts *deedle-deedle-dee*, there they are just sitting in a row!
Ron: *Grinning* Fred and George’s new product – she really is yelling at us, see…
‘But – they were starving him, mum! They put Mars Bars on his windows!’
The Twins: Shh… tip-toe…
Mrs. Weasley: *Pops up* Where HAVE you beeeeeen?!
Ron and Harry: ‘beeeeeen’?
Mrs. Weasley: That’s right! They’re going to make Harry Potter into a musical one day – and I for one am prepared!
Mrs. Weasley: Oh, for goodness sake, Ron, watch. *clears her throat and starts to sing* Where – have you – Beeeen-you-could-have-been-seeen that-isn’t-too-keen I-may-seem-real-mean but-I looovee you…. And – I know why-you-wanted-to-go Uncle-Vernon’s-your-foe and-I-think-you-should-know, Harry, dear, that I looovee you! Love you toooooo!
Fred and George: *Harmonically* We both are twins, we don’t quite fit in but that is our game-in-life, our worldly-strife! We love to joke, we choose not to smoke unless it’s an en-e-my, with a whiz whi-iz-bee!
Harry: STOP! *gasping for air* …STOP!