Week of May 16, 2004
Snape: Blah blab bloblab blah blob blablob blab…
Harry: Am I crazy, or is Snape really just saying ‘blah’?
Hermione: Harry, keep your mouth shut, he’s imitating a potion in a cauldron!
Boy in Back: This is useless – how come I have to sit behind the pillar?
Voice: ‘Mr. Potter, our newest celebrity…’
Boy in Back: Oh, that explains it…
Hermione: *Whispers* But, how is Snape’s dancing on the table and his singing ‘I’m a Little Teapot’ at all conducive to the learning process?!
Harry: *Whispers* It’s not – *grins* but it is crucial to the blackmail process!
‘In these rooms we have more than twenty known species of rare spiders, at least eighteen different species of rodents, and two of the largest insect larvae collections in the world – but it is now time to leave the kitchens, and get on with our Potions lesson for the day…’
Snape: ‘And today we will be making a new potion, which makes you sit facing forward with no expression on your face! As some of you can see, I’ve already tested it on Mr. Potter and Ms. Granger…’
Snape: *To Harry* If I were you, I’d study study study!
Harry: *Leans over to Hermione* If he was me… I’d be ugly!
Hermione: Hah – you said it!
Harry: What is it?
Hermione: I have no idea – poke it.
Harry: I don’t want to poke it, you poke it…
Hermione: Hey, let’s get Ron – he’ll touch anything!
Hermione: ‘All the magic in the world and what does this school give us? Standard Mead composition notebooks. You’d think we’d at least have some fun with colored paper once in a while!’
Harry: *Kicks Hermione*
Hermione: *Kicks Harry*
Snape: Granger! Potter! I would appreciate it if you would not play Footsie in my classroom!
Harry: All right, then…
Hermione: Professor, may we go outside?
Snape: I can teach you to bottle fame, brew glory…
Harry: *Thinking* As you’ve done for yourself?
THIS CERTIFICATE IS AWARED TO ‘YOU’ FOR DEDICATED EXPLORATION OF THIS WEBSITE!
As a special reward, here is your one-of-a-kind picture of Gerald and Cynthia, two characters I had to cut from PS/SS back in 1991 because my publisher didn’t like them. They were originally going to be involved in a plot line where Harry and Hermione had evil twins who tried to make the Elixir of Life themselves and blew up Hogwarts.
Enjoy! (This picture will be saved in your Caption Contest Archives Scrapbook!)
Hermione: Maybe if we stare at him long enough, he’ll turn into a toad…
Harry: Are you sure about this?
Hermione: Yes, I’m absolutely sure… well, mostly sure… no, I’m just really bored.
Harry: Yeah, me too…
Snape: I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory, and even put a stopper in death.
Harry: So, in other words, you’re going to teach us how to become Michael Jackson?
Harry: Her elbow is touching mine, her elbow is touching mine, her –
Girl in the back: Can’t see… Hermione… too much… hair!
Boy Behind Pillar: If I slink far enough into the shadows, Snape won’t se – oh, yes, Professor?
Hermione: …four inches of powdered goblin nails, stir three times counterclockwise…
-Shadowen and Gwennykate
Harry: ‘Hey, Hermione? Thanks for that Invisible Eyelid spell…’
Harry: Hermione, how many licks does it take to get to the center of the tootsie pop?
Hermione: Let’s find out – *lick* one, *another lick* two, *lick* three, *crunch* Ow! I broke a tooth!
Harry: Well, the world may never know how many licks it takes, but at least your parents are dentists…
And here we have an example of a caption picture that lacks an obvious punch-line. However, the lack of a punch-line is not indicative of a sub-humorous photograph; instead, it shows the importance of the viewer to create the humor in his or her imagination.
How the Harry/Hermione ship was started…
Girl in Back: Dang, those two look cute together – I think I’ll spread rumors!
Snape: ‘Now, if you’ll all pack up for the day… please turn in your newly made Ever-Powerful Heavy Duty Matchmaking Love Potions… *sniff* … with Odor Defeating Organic Bacteria Elimination Powers… *sniff* …to me before you leave… I trust that all twenty-five of you have got yours correct… and if these don’t work on my one true love – then it must really just be me… *sobs* smelly, greasy old me… boo-hoo-hoo!’
Snape: Well now, Potter, Granger… *grins* See if you can finagle your way out of this one! For the four potions in front of you, I have this riddle: Of the test tubes that you see, you’ll either die or be set free. Two are poison, one is green, and the other is cherry syrup!
Harry: *Takes the red tube* Found it!
Snape: All right now, Potter, where would you look if I told you to find a bezoar?
Harry: …On your ever-so-stocked inventory shelves, Professor? There are three right behind you…
Snape: … … …