Week of May 23, 2004
As Harry, Ron, Hermione and Neville enter Filch’s office to serve detention, they see what’s in store for them – THE TWISTER BOARD!
Neville: Harry, I don’t know who did it!
Hermione: This is horrible; I’ve never seen a room this ransacked!
Harry: What do you mean, Hermione? Whoever it was sure did clean up a bit…
Harry: Oh, no…
Hermione: What are we going to do?
Ron: Who knew that Guy Sebastian could be so easy to jinx?
Neville: But I can’t help it! I had just gone to the American Idol Final Three Elimination Show and there he was! That Australian Idol just has so much hair – I thought he was a Boggart!
Harry: *Turns to Neville* You’re scared of Australians?
Neville: *Quickly* What’s it to you?
‘You know, if we cut Hermione’s hair short, we could be the Beatles…’
*In continuation to Ash’s caption last week*
Ron: ‘I knew I shouldn’t have poked it…
Neville: *Thinking* Whenever I’m in a caption, I always have to be with a group! Well, there was that one time with that freak holding the torch but, it’s never me alone! Why can’t I ever have any glory? Just look at them – they look so cool with their matching Gryffindor scarves – where’s my nice scarf? Erm… maybe next year, if I lose a lot of weight and all, maybe then I’ll get a nice scarf…
Ron: Oh no, Harry, somebody’s ransacked your room!
Harry: Look! It’s Ginny!
Ginny: Sorry, Harry – had to vent my anger… ‘Ginevra’! ‘Ginevra’! Why did she have to give me such a sorry name like Ginevra? Grrrr! Let me write my worries in this mysterious journal…
Neville and Hermione: *Thinking* I feel your pain…
Harry: And – one-and-two-and-three-and-four…
Neville: Harry, are you sure that line dancing is really an integral part of defending ourselves against the Dark arts?
Neville: I don’t know who did it, Harry…
Hermione: Well, it must have been a Gryffindor – they’re the only ones who know our password, and who else would be brave enough to leave their underwear on your bed?
Harry: What’s this? Someone has been messing with my bed…
Ron: Someone has been messing with my bed!
Neville: Someone’s been messing with my bed, and he’s still in it!
Snape: *Pops up, screams ‘100 points from Gryffindor!’, and runs out screaming like a madman*
Hermione: Ergh, Snape’s had too much butterbeer again…
Neville: ‘But I want to be a member of the Red and Gold Scarf Club!’
Harry: It’s… gone… he took it…
Ron: What is, Harry? Who took what?
Harry: Tom Riddle… he took my Britney Spears poster…
Ron and Neville: *Gasp*
Hermione: Oh please… *walks off*
*Have all just watched the PoA movie*
Harry: That was… disturbing…
Hermione: Why in the world did I look like an Olsen Twin?
Ron: Why did I look like a Beatle?
Harry: How come my godfather looked like Jack Sparrow, and my DADA professor looked like Hitler?
Neville: Umm… I think I looked pretty good…
Trio: …Shaaadup, Neville…
Harry: You know, this would’ve NEVER ever happened if the founders knew JUST how untrustworthy GIRLS could be!
Harry: It’s gone!
Hermione: I thought something smelled fishy ’round here…
Neville: A…a…alright! I’ll admit it – I ate your tuna sandwich!
Harry: You… ate… my tuna sandwich…?
Neville: Erm, Harry? You have an evil snakelike face on the back of your…
Harry: Not now, Neville, we’re trying to figure out where Voldemort fled after Quirrell died…
Neville: Oh… erm… right, okay…
And Harry found the hypnotic floor tile strangely mesmerizing…
Ron: It was Colonel Mustard in the Kitchen with a Candlestick!
Harry: Um, no? It was Sirius Black in the Dormitory with a Knife…
Ron: Darn! I’ll never get a hold of these Muggle games!
*Cut episode of The Swan*
Neville: Okay, Harry. Tell me when you are ready, and we’ll pull the curtains to reveal the new you.
Harry: *Deep breath* I’m ready…
*The curtains pull back*
Harry: *Jumps back and puts his hand over his mouth* Oh my gosh! I’m so – beautiful! *Sobs*
Ron: He looks the same to m-
Hermione: *Nudges Ron in the ribs*
Harry: Oh no!
Ron: What is it, Harry?
Harry: My toothbrush is missing – someone stole my toothbrush!
Neville: Oh, umm, Harry? I… I have your toothbrush… *Hands it over*
Neville: Is… is everything okay, Harry?
Harry: I… I’m not sure…
Ron: What if it was Sirius Black?!
Harry: No, no… It couldn’t’ve been…
Hermione: *Surveying the damage* Why not, Harry?
Harry: Because, only a politician would leave this amongst the debris…
Neville: What’s that?
Harry: *Lifts his hand and reads* his business card…