Week of October 16, 2005
Harry: ‘Put me, Harry Potter, in this dump, will you? Well, see how you like it, Tom the Barman, when I drop my shoes on your ceiling repeatedly all night long. That’ll teach you to shortchange the Boy Who Lived!’
Harry: ‘Hmmm… Bad smells, deteriorating wallpaper, uneven floors, an uncomfortable bed, cold and drafty room… HOORAY! BETTER THAN THE DURSLEYS’!’
Harry searches for proof that Barry Bond’s homerun record is not the product of steroids, but is in fact that the last seventh of Voldemort’s soul is stored inside his right shoe.
Ron: *From off-screen* ‘NO, Harry! Its floo powder you throw in the fire, not shoe powder!’
Due to the national shortage on tennis balls, Daniel Radcliffe had to deliver his lines to a tennis shoe.
Harry: Wow, I thought they put the chocolates on your pillow in a hotel…
Hedwig: *Thinking* Well, Harry, they do. I was the one who left you the present in your shoe…
Harry: *Talking to Sirius in the fire* ‘Well… d’ya like my new shoes?’
When will you learn, Harry? A stiletto does more damage!
Twas the night before Hogwarts, when all through the house,
Not a Dursley was stirring, not even a mouse.
The shoes were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that Dumbledore soon would be there.
Off-screen Narrator: ‘By carefully holding the end of the shoe string, our hero has created a simple pendulum. The shoe (or bob) will start to swing in a wide circle, and by seeing whether it circles clockwise or counter-clockwise, our hero will know whether he is in the northern hemisphere or southern hemisphere. Let this be a lesson to us all, a shoe and shoestring can become a simple GPS, helping everyone to know which hemisphere they are in. This makes dark-wizard fighting all the easier!’
In hopes of growing taller, Daniel Radcliffe sacrifices a shoe to appease the gods.
Harry: Gee, I wonder if I should drop this Nike brand sneaker in order to lure out the monster book?
Hedwig: Just Do It!
*Warner Brothers earns $5,000,000*
Strangely-Carved-Furniture Museum Tour Guide: ‘And… next on our list, we have number 58: ”Boy-Dropping-Shoe-Bed-Post”.’
Notice: Due to a shortage of brooms, the House Quidditch teams have decided to use flying crosstrainers this year.
Harry: ‘UP! UP! Oh, how am I supposed to mount this thing? Besides, it smells like Dudley’s old socks.’
…and so Harry threatened to drop the Old Lady Who Lived in a Shoe’s house and children for more answers after finding out that Voldemort had forced out of her former home, Hufflepuff’s cup, to make room for a sixth of his torn soul…
*Paint peels from walls*
Harry: ‘HEY! My shoes don’t smell THAT bad!’
Since they don’t get HBO in the Leaky Cauldron, guests had to find their own ways of entertain themselves.
I spy an owl, and a broomstick too,
A lamp, a picture, and a place for Floo.
Nine different legs, a monstrous book,
A nail by a window; now you look!
Harry: ‘Book Monster, you should meet my friend Hermione some time. She’s a book worm…’
Harry: *To himself* ‘I saw this is a Calvin and Hobbes comic once – it must work!’
Dumbledore realized that Harry needed more contact with his friends when he started playing ‘Oh no, the floor is made of lava’ with his owl.