Week of April 2, 2006
Harry: ‘I see London, I see France…’
Snape: Harry, drink this.
Harry: No way! I learned that lesson from Fred and George last week. I’m still scraping the rust off my backside!
Snape: *To Self* ‘Arrr, there we are, Mrs. Scower’s Magical Mess Remover. That ought to get those blasted spaghetti stains out of my cloak…’
Snape: Do you know what this is, Potter?
Harry: No, sir?
Snape: This… this is my very last bottle of vodka. I demand to know where the rest of them went!
Harry and Snape playing charades.
Harry: ‘Oh, I get it! Snakes and Ladders!’
Snape: Know what this is, Potter?
Harry: Bubble juice, sir?
Snape: What in the name of Merlin is bubble juice? Why would you say bubble juice? What would bubble juice taste like? How could you make bubbles out of juice or juice out of bubbles?! Your comment makes no sense!
Harry: Um, it was in the script, sir! I don’t understand either!
Harry: *Thinking* Now, if I could just summon the ladder out from under him….
Rumours of Snape’s dementia were strengthened when Harry caught him in the cupboard talking to his therapist, ‘Doris’ the bottle.
Harry: I TOLD those fans to buy the wide screen edition… but NO!
Snape: Shut up Potter – this way, I lose 10 pounds!
Snape: Clearly there is nothing ‘maniacal’ about this picture. Fifty points from MuggleNet…
Harry: Umm… professor?
Snape: Don’t interrupt. Just wait until I get Eric to take this Veritaserum… then I’ll find out why this is a perfectly normal caption picture.
Harry: Maybe it’s because it’s April.
Snape: ….So it is. Fifty points from Gryffindor, too – for making me look stupid.
Eric: If you thought Harry made you look stupid, just wait for Maniacal May…
Harry: ‘You stole Elton John’s ”Time in a Bottle”?!’
Harry: …Isn’t that olive oil?
Snape: No, its my shampoo.
Harry: …Well that explains that…
Harry: Sir, just what do you intend to do with the veritaserum?
Snape: To get to the bottom of this ‘Leaky Mug’ fiasco, Potter…
This is why you don’t walk in on people having private moments.
Snape: Who’s a good potion? Who’s a good potion?!
Off-Stage Voice: ‘RICKMAN! When we said to make sure that it was the right potion, we didn’t mean look at the cap! WHO IN THE WORLD WOULD BE ABLE TO READ A LABEL ON THE CAP?!’
Snape: ‘Here we go, Potter. A couple of drops of this, and even Eloise Midgeon will look like Jessica Alba.’
A scene from the magical documentary, ‘Harry Potter and Steroids; Behind the Quidditch Captaincy.’
Snape: ”’Glow”, by JLo?’
Snape: ‘You see this bottle, Potter? This is the most powerful sleeping draft in the world, and one day, it might ‘slip’ over your morning pumpkin juice, and in my class, I will actually have a good reason to give you DETENTION!!!!’
Snape: Ah, here are the Albus Pellets.
Harry: What are they for?
Snape: Dumbledore’s been eating my flowers again and I want to teach him a lesson once and for all!