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CC #204: Week of February 11, 2007

CC #204: Week of February 11, 2007

Week of February 11, 2007

Ron: Are you just a head?
Nick: No, but right now I am separated from my body. I stuck it in a turkey to soften it up. *Looks in turkey* Where’d it go?
Ron: Harry, didn’t you just have some turkey?
Harry: *Gags*
NicK: I hope you know that ghost bodies are poisonous.
Harry: *Falls off chair*
-Homad

Nick: See, I can go through the table! Isn’t it amazing?
Hermione: Yeah… Say, Sir Nicholas, could you go under the table and see who’s poking me?
Ron: *Readjusts himself*
Hermione: Never mind, they stopped…
-Sam

Voldemort: *Appears in middle of Great Hall* I will kill Harry Potter!
Sir Nicholas: *Stands in front of Harry* Now wait one minute! if you want to kill Harry, you’ll have to go through me first!
Voldemort: *Walks through Nick*
Sir Nicholas: …oh…
-Alyssa

‘No, I am not Nearly Headless Nick! I am his half-brother, Nearly Bodiless Bernard!’
-Megan

Ron: I can feel the fat blocking my veins already…
NicK: Oh, boo hoo! *With girlish voice* ‘I’m Ron! Poor me, I can eat food and get fat like a normal person! I’m going to complain about it all day! Please, feel sorry for meeee!’
Ron: … I… I’m…
Harry: Like you didn’t see that coming…
-Nora

George: So… why are you in the chicken?
Sir Nicholas: Well, it all started when this one student asked me to find out which came first – the chicken… or the EGG?!
-C_Bizalicious

Ron: Excuse me, are you the imprint of a departed soul?
Nick: Yes…
Ron: Okay, everyone, it’s safe. This one’s NOT an Inferius!
-WeaselChick

Sir Nick: MMMM! Steaming weenies! I love ‘em!
Harry: *Shocked* Mother pus Bucket!
Percy: *Annoyed* Back off, man… I’m a Prefect…
George: Sir Nearly Headless Nick… good evening. As a duly designated representative of the House of Gryffindor, I order you to cease any and all supernatural activity and return fortwith to your place of origin or to the nearest convenient parallel dimension.
Ron: That ought to do it, thanks very much, George…
-RJ

Percy: Hello, Sir Nicholas.
Sir Nicholas: Well hello, Percy!
Ron: DUDE! I was going to eat that! Hey, wait, you’re Nearly-Headless Nick!
Hermione: Nearly Headless? Now can you be Nearly Headless?!
Sir Nicholas: Well, give me a knife and I’ll show you…
Hermione: Nevermind!
-Andie

Nick: ‘Whaddaya mean you like eating something more substantial?!’
-Toffee

Nick: Come on in, the table’s great!
Ron: Uh… we’re not dead.
Nick: Excuses, excuses…
-Sam

Nick: ‘Wow, look! I popped up in just the right place! All the lead characters sitting together, how terribly convenient!’
-Drew

Nearly-Headless Nick: *Angrily* ‘I prefer the term ”imprint of a departed soul,” you twit! Were you born in a bin?!’
-Eapraven

NicK: Fred, you lose! Ron, Harry, you’re the only two left; keep that juice in your mouths!
-roXtar

Nick: And so, young Gryffindors, if you have any questions – any questions at all – just come to me!
Harry: Yeah, I was just wondering… why do some people become ghosts–
Nick: GOTTA GO! *Disappears*
-Alan

Harry: OMG, a talking head.
Sir Nick: No, it’s quite all right – I’m a friendly ghost!
Ron: *Looks up from the chicken* HOLY SMOKES! A TALKING HEAD!
Sir Nick: They don’t learn, do they?
-Elisabeth

Percy: I call the eyes!
Everyone: *Stares*
Percy: What?
-Meghanalo

Ron: Nearly headless? How can you be nearly headless?
Nick: Never cheat on a demented astronaut woman.
-Flobberworm

George: Nick! Why don’t you take a bite? *Laughs*
NicK: …Just for that, I’m going to steal all of your cone hats, so you can’t wear them in any of the later movies.
Ron: Right… Like that’s going to happen!
-Nora

Ron: Who are you?
Nick: I’m the Ghost of You-and-Your-New-Friend-Harry-Don’t-Have-Your-Hats-and-You’re-Making-the-Entire-Gryffindor-House-Look-Like-a-Bunch-of-Idiots.
Ron: Wow. Hey, Harry, we have our own ghost!
-Sam

We are now translating the British words in the Harry Potter movies to American gangster slang:
Harry: Yo, homedog!
Ron: What, homeboy!
Harry: Who the hizzle is this and what is he doing getting up into our grill?
Ron: That’s Sir Nicholas, our Ghost Homedog.
Sir Nicholas: What’s up my Gryffindor homies?
The End.
-Marissa#22

Harry: I thought we were having headless duck, NOT headless-nick?!
Nicholas: That’s ‘nearly’ to you!
-Landis

Nick: You have set me free from my drumstick. Now I will grant you three wishes!
Ron: Hmmmm, I dunnno. How about a cauldron of felix felicis, a billion galleons and you getting out of my dinner!
-Maggie

Nick: ‘What were you expecting — a head of lettuce?!’
-Josh

Fred: Hey, I know you! You’re an extra decapitated head from Sleepy Hollow!
Sir Nicholas: No I’m not! And if I were, what would I be doing on this table?!
Fred: *Laughing* I don’t know!
Harry: *Slightly disturbed*
-BloodRedSky

Harry: Is that Chicken Parmesian?
Ron: No… Chicken Porpington.
-Emiline

Percy: ‘What a pretty table arrangement!’
-Banned

American audiences of Harry Potter books and movies continued to become estranged by unfamiliarity with British Foods as ‘Hollowed Head with Horseradish’ was added to the list. Said one 16-year-old teen in the US: ”First Treacle Tarts and now this!?”
-Sean

Dumbledore: ‘And our next course is comprised of Completely Headless Nick. Though there’s not much taste, it does wonders for the digestive system, guaranteed to pass right through you!’
-Toffee

Ron: Umm… Sir Nicholas? You have something hanging from your nose, Sir…
Nicholas: Darn! I should have looked into the mirror before I was executed…
-Nicole M.

Fred: ‘Oy, Ron, be a dear and pass the John Cleee, would you?’
-Cydney

Harry: Ron, this fork is dirty!
Ron: Waiter!
*A 20-ton weight falls on George and/or Fred*
John Cleese: *Appearing in the middle of the table* And now for something completely different!
-Sandra

Ron: Look, it’s John Cleese!
Sir Nicholas: I prefer Sir Nicholas De Mimsy Porpington, if you don’t mind.
Ron: Why?
Sir Nicholas: Because, if I go by John Cleese then I will be associated with Monty Python and all of the recent captions involving them. By the way, are you a Weasley?
Ron: I wasn’t expecting the Spanish Inquisition…
Sir Nicholas: *In a high-pitched voice with a Spanish accent* No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!
-Sidney

Nick: I, Sir Nicholas De Mimsy Porpington, have a grave announcement to make. I can now say ‘I am dead’ in three different languages -
I am dead.
Je suis mort.
Soy muerto.
*People at table clap*
-Kaity V.

Whilst Ron dominated the dinnertime conversation, Sir Nicholas made sure he was at the head of the table.
-Anna

Nick: Yes, I AM quite aware that my body is missing, but don’t worry. The exploding pudding has been robbed of most of its explosives this year!
Percy: Well, actually…
-Marisa

Taking ‘something for everyone’ to a whole new level.
-Axyl

Nearly-Headless Nick: Welcome to Gryffindor!
Percy: This is Nearly-Headless Nick, and we are the Nearly Brimless Students!
Ron: So what does that make us?
Percy: Totally Clueless First Years!
-Erin

Ron: *Thinking* Great! Now there’s going to be ghost ooze on the ho ho’s!
-Miss.Syd

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