Week of September 9, 2007
Mr. Weasley: Wow, I feel just like the Doctor!
Harry: Doctor who?
Mr. Weasley: That’s the one!
Mr. Weasley: What’s wrong, Harry?
Harry: *Sigh* I just miss Lupin and Tonks, that’s all…
Mr. Weasley: Yes, their loss is tragic, but at least their deaths replaced the death of another important character…
Harry: Why are you smiling, Mr. Weasley?
Mr. Weasley: No reason, Harry! No reason…
Arthur: So, Harry, you say there’s a Muggle called ‘Stuporman’ who changes in here? Fascinating!
Clark Kent: *Off-screen* ‘Excuse me, but can you get out? I need to change my clothes…’
Mr. Weasley: Yup, the missus and I put down a down payment.
Harry: On the house?
Mr. Weasley: No, on the window. Someday, it’ll all be ours!
Mr. Weasley: Hmmm… Let’s see if I can remember the passkey… S-I-R-I-U-S-D-I-E-S… No, that can’t be right!
Mr. Weasley: Today, you are a man, Harry.
Harry: Mr. Weasley, you’ve taken me to the Moulin Rouge…
Harry: Um, Mr. Weasley? Isn’t having a phone box as the entrance to the Ministry a little suspicious? I mean, everyone uses mobile phones these days…
Arthur: Well, Harry, if the Muggles saw us stepping into a mobile, THAT would be VERY suspicious.
Mr. Weasley: It’s beginning to look alot like Christmas… Ev’ry-
Harry: Will you BE QUIET! IT’S ONLY SEPTEMBER!
Reporter: You’ve just defeated the Dark Lord, what are you going to do now?
Mr. Weasley: We’re going to go to Battery World!
Mr. Weasley: Harry, wait! We just cleaned that-
Mr. Weasley: -with Windex. Maybe we should switch?
Harry: *On the floor with a goose-egg forming over his scar* You think?
Due to the almost Frankenstein look on Mr. Weasley’s face and the I’m not with him look on Harry’s face, I don’t beleive any caption could be funnier than the picture itself…
Mr. Weasley: What do you think of my new red windows, Harry? Matches my red hair, eh?
Harry: *Stares at Ginny out the window* Huh… what…?
Museum Guide: …and here, children, we have two lovely specimens! On your right, you’ll see the ‘Boy Who Lived,’ or Chosenus Oneius. Notice his hopeful stare into the distance. To the left, you’ll see a prime example of a ‘Muggleborna Loverae,’ also known as a Battery Collector. Can everyone see his permanent focus upward? It is usually the goal of this mammal to see how planes stay up!
Mr. Weasley: Open the Ministry bay doors, Fudge!
Fudge: I’m sorry, Arthur, I’m afraid I can’t do that.
Mr. Weasley: What are you talking about, Fudge?
Fudge: This trial is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it.
Mr. Weasley: But Harry’s with me, and he’s the one on trial!
Fudge: Well… he could jeopardize it, too!
Mr. Weasley: Any minute now… any minute now…
Harry: Mr. Weasley, I don’t think Superman is going to come change in an occupied phone booth…
Harry: Why didn’t Dumbledore better prepare me for this?!?
Mr. Weasley: Harry, I highly doubt Dumbledore knew that Voldemort was planning to put Permanent Sticking Charms on our foreheads so that we would be attached to the inside of this window during the Battle of Hogwarts…
Harry: Still, he should have said something…
Mr. Weasley: Look, it’s the papparazi!
Harry: Oh, please no! This can only be bad!
The Next Day…
Daily Prophet: ‘Harry Potter caught in Steamy Tryst with Ministry Worker.’
Mr. Weasley: Is that a bird, or is that a flying thing that Muggles use?!
Harry: A plane?
Mr. Weasley: Yes! That’s the word! Truly remarkable.
Harry: Yes, quite. Too bad it’s my Aunt Marge.
Mr. Weasley: Really? Still up there, I see? She seems to have lost some weight. Good for her!
Harry: ‘Mr. Weasley… what happens in prison?’
Mr. Weasley: Fascinating! It seems that I can look out of each of these little boxes and see the exact same thing!
Harry: Yes, Mr. Weasley, that’s how a window works…
Arthur: Soo… uh… Harry… girl trouble lately?
Harry: Actually, Mr. Weasley, maybe we should talk about something else…
Arthur: Right… um… oh, you know a witch came in the other day and her lips were cursed off by her boyfriend. The stupid bloke ended up with her lips on his buttocks!
Harry: Mr. Weasley, maybe we should talk about my problems with girls…
Harry: *Thinking* Okay, when you go to the trial, just act calm, listen to what everyone is saying and be polite to Fudge – maybe he’ll understand you and let you get off –
Mr. Weasley: Harry, you do know that Fudge will never understand you and he’ll never let you off, right?
Harry: Mr. Weasley, I think this only works on Dr. Who…
Mr. Weasley: Don’t be silly, Harry. I saw Barty Crouch, Jr. do it just last year.
Mr. Weasley: ‘…so then I got ordained as a Catholic priest.’
Harry was beginning to feel very uncomfortable.
Mr. Weasley: *Chuckling to himself* ‘Funny those muggles RED for a phone booth… you’d think BLUE, wouldn’t you?!’
After acquainting himself with the world of Muggle television, Mr. Weasley was positive that any old public box would act as a Tardis. Harry, however, knew that a simple phonebox would not work, and contemplated this for a while, before being the first to realize that they were, in fact – two men standing in a glass phonebox on a busy street corner.
Harry: You know, there’s hardly any air in here.
Arthur: Yes, I think I might suffocate…! *Starts choking*
Harry: Oh no, he’s going to die!
J.K. Rowling: *Opens door* Nope, sorry, changed my mind. Get out of here… both of you.
Arthur: Our new commercial, son..
The television turns on…
Harry: I HAVE SLAIN THE BASILISK and come for my reward!
Arthur: Well done… This is for you. *Non-verbally* Cistem Aperio. *A trunk opens, a card pops out that says ‘Thank You.’*
Harry: This is all I get?
Arthur: Terms and conditions state that you must slay a minimum of four basilisks before any Galleons are earned. Fangs must also be provided to prove that it is a basilisk, and not just a large snake… (etc)
Announcer: This is how your cash rewards card treats you? Introducing GRINGOTTS NO HASSLE CASH REWARDS. Money back on every purchase, plus a 25% annual bonus.
Arthur: Oh. you qualify to marry my daughter!
Harry: I already have, Arthur!
Mr. Weasley: *Very excited* Harry! The Muggle please-men are asking us to vacate the felly-tone booth! What do they mean by ‘disturbing the peace,’ Harry? Are we going to get sent to the eckelectic chair?!
Here’s the story
Of a man named Weasley
Who had lots and lots of kids
And one daughter, Ginny
The youngest and only girl.
Here’s the story
Of a boy named Potter
Who had no real parents of his own
Life torn apart
By Lord Voldemort
He was all alone.
Till the one day Harry met the Weasleys
And the whole family became his good friend
Through a matter of fate he saved several of their lives
And they were mostly happy in the very end.
Harry: I’m sorry, I just couldn’t help it!
Mr. Weasley: What is it…?
Harry: -It’s the Stay-Puffed Marshmallow Man…
Arthur: So… what do you think, Harry? It’s just like that gaming show you told me about. You know the one, on that TellingVision?
Harry: What gaming show?
Arthur: Hollywood Squares! All we need is someone for the Center Square.
Harry: So long as it’s not Bruce Vilanche!
Mr. Weasley: This Muggle concoction called ‘W-i-n-d-e-x’ is really excellent! How do they make it?
Harry: Some Isopropanol 2-Butoxyethanol, Ethylene glycol n-hexyl ether, and water. But I never was very good at Potions…
Arthur: You missed a spot here, Harry…
Harry: Geeze! I’m the Boy Who Lived… not the Boy Who Does Windows!
Harry: *Looking worried* You wanted to talk to me about something?
Mr. Weasley: Yes, Harry…
Harry: *Thinking* Please don’t let it be about Ginny, please don’t let it be about Ginny…
Mr. Weasley: Well, it’s about Ginny…
Harry: *Thinking* f#(%!
Mr. Weasley: Harry, look at all the Muggles!
Harry: Yes, I see them, Mr. Weasley, but I’m about to go into a potentially life-changing hearing and I wish you would show a little more concern…
Mr. Weasley: But look at them, Harry, aren’t they great?!
Tour Guide: ‘The zoo is very excited to announce that we will soon get a mother-daughter set to breed with these two specimens.’
Mr. Weasley: Third floor, Notions, Lotions and Potions.
Harry: *Smiling and waving* Hi, Professor Snape!
Mr. Weasley: These things Muggles come up with! What do you call this, Harry, m’boy?
Mr. Weasley: Well, Harry, would you look at that! A flying Ford Anglia!
Arthur: Ooh, so this is a felly-tone box! Do you think Superman will show up?!
Harry: He’s a fictional character, Mr. Weasley…
Arthur: Ha! Like YOU can talk!
Mr. Weasley: Wow! These Muggles are fascinating! Simply extraordinary! Sure are a skiddish bunch, though… Why are they all running around screaming?
Harry: Umm, Mr. Weasley? I should probably tell you… most Muggles don’t like it when a couple of strangers stand outside their windows like this.
Harry: *Thinking* It was so nice of Mr. Weasley to come with me for my trial. I bet he’s worried sick…
Mr. Weasley: *Thinking* How DO those airplanes stay up?!?!
Harry: Mr. Weasley, have you noticed that I am only wearing half a jacket?
Mr. Weasley: Oh… well, Molly found that coat in a bargain basement for… HALF OFF! *Laughs hysterically*
Harry: I don’t see how it’s funny. If I go to a Ministry hearing wearing half a coat, they’ll think I’m mentally challenged or something!
Mr. Weasley: Don’t worry, Harry, the Ministry thinks that anyways.
Harry: We had to paint it red…
Mr. Weasley: Well, Harry, I think it livens up the place! Although, it may clash with Ginny…
Dan: *Thinking* This isn’t what I thought they meant when they said I was going to have a telephone box scene with a red-head…
‘Alright, Harry. Now that You-Know-Who is gone, let’s you and me have a little chat about my daughter and all those… stolen hours in secluded corners of Hogwarts I’ve heard so much about…’
Arthur: Welcome to the Ministry of Magic, Harry!
Harry: No, no, I am quite sure that’s Tate Modern.
Arthur: Well, maybe it’s the London Eye…
Harry: Erm, Buckingham Palace? I dunno…
Arthur: -I thought you knew about Muggle culture, Harry?
Harry: Well, I would, if I hadn’t grown up – in a cupboard…
Mr. Weasley: There goes the plane.
Harry: We should be ON it. But no, you HAD to experiment with Muggle clothes! I TOLD you that skirt was too short!
Mr. Weasley: …
Harry: Mr. Weasley, what is this?
Mr. Weasley: This is what the boys and I like to call ‘The Chokey,’ Harry. It is where you will be taking up permanent residence if you ever think about hurting Ginny.
Harry: *Reading words carved into the wood* ‘Michael Corner Was Here…’
Mr. Weasley: Oh my… Dumbledore has got the Fountain of Magical Brethren dancing again… he does it to annoy the Minister, you know…
Wizard Statue: Y
Witch Statue: M
Centaur Statue: C
Goblin Statue: A!
Harry: Well, Hermione would be furious… the House-Elf doesn’t even get a letter…
Mr. Weasley: Wow… fascinating!
Harry: *Thinking to himself* Oh, great, he’s seen an airplane…
Harry: *Thinking* I wonder if after the trial I’ll have to go live with the Muggles…
Mr. Weasley: *Thinking* I wonder if after the trial I’ll be able to join Harry to go live with the Muggles…