Featured News
CC #234: Week of September 23, 2007

CC #234: Week of September 23, 2007

Week of September 23, 2007

Vernon: And who did this to you, Dudley?
Dudley: *Points to Harry*
Vernon: YOU stopped our Dudders from getting his first kiss! That’s it, boy, OUT! GET OUT!
Harry: I’m telling you, he wouldn’t have liked the outcome!
Vernon: That’s for him to decide, boy! Not you!
-Helen

*If OotP was directed by Stephen Spielberg*
Dudley: ‘Phone…. home….’
-Checkers

–Inspired by MuggleNet’s Funlist ’120 Ways to Agitate Someone who Doesn’t Like Harry Potter’–
Harry: *Off-screen* Knock, knock.
Dudley: Who’s there?
Harry: You know.
Dudley: You know who?
Harry: *Rolls on floor laughing*
Dursleys: …?
-Kelsey P.

–An homage to Lou and AnDudley: ‘Him! HE was the one who gave me this haircut!’
-Samdy off of Little Britain
Dudley: *Points to ice-cream* …Want that one…
Petunia: This one, darling?
Dudley: *Eats half of ice cream* …No, don’t like it!
-Emilie

Dudley: Harry, what do you do to get a scrawny anime wizard onto the Hogwarts Express?
Harry: What?
Dudley: You Poke-em-on! Haha, get it?
Harry: No…
-Hayley P.

Vernon: Pull his finger, boy!
Dudley: Pull… Harry, pull!
Harry: Dudley, I think I’m going to have to borrow that bucket if I pull your finger.
-Caroline

Dudley: ‘Leave Britney ALONE!’
-Kim

Petunia: Who did it, Diddykins? Who made you like this?
Dudley: *Throws up more*
Harry: *Uses Legilimens to get into Dudley’s thoughts*
Dudley: *Thinking* MMM, that was lovely feedback. YUM!
Harry: You oaf, Dudely! I TOLD you not to take the survey! That’s how I got my scar in the first place!
-Starshine

Vernon: Oy! Where’s my neck gone?!
Dudley: Mummy! Harry used magic!
-Kristin

Dudley: He went over all of my minutes, Mum!
Petunia: Who have you texted 400 times today?
Harry: IDK my BFF Ron.
Vernon: Who the heck is that?
Harry: NOYB!
-Kayla

Dudley: It was him, officer, Number 2.
Cop: Alright, #2, you’re free to go.
O.J. Simpson – untouchable.
-Biller

Fiona Shaw always had trouble staying in character while Alan Rickman was on the set.
-William

*How the Caption Contest winners are really chosen*
Dudley: I like… that caption!
Eric: But… that one’s not even funny.
Dudley: *Raises fist* I said I like that one!
Eric: Okay! Okay, we’ll include that one!
-James

Things that you can do with one finger: amuse a baby, summon an elevator, declare your team’s supremacy, make toast, identify Harry Potter, reallocate your investment portfolio with WizardTrade. All it takes is one finger. It’s easy. It’s extraordinary. It’s WizardTrade.
-Elizabeth

Dudley: It’s him! The costume designer that made Mum’s dress!
Vernon: *Thinking* I’ll teach him the meaning of pain…
-Kate M.

Dursleys: One of these things is not like teh others, one of these things just doesn’t belong…
Dudley: *Points to Harry*
Harry: Oh, darn!
-Rachel S.

Apparently, Lola is still in the dress she used to wear, though she got rid of the faded feathers in her hair. Lola broke down and married Rico, who let himself go, and they had a child as round as the Earth itself. At the copa…
-Samantha

Dudley: …for neither can live while the other survives…
Everyone: …
Petunia: Okay, Dudders, we won’t be giving you flavoured popcorn anymore.
-Kaitlyn

Vernon: Did he do this to you? I’ll get him for -
Dudley: Pshhh. Good Luck, Chuck. I wouldn’t be The Brave One if I were you, though…
Vernon: Mark my words, son, I’ll get him. I’ll tell you what awaits that Resident Evil: Extinction!
Dudley: Don’t be making Eastern Promises.
Petunia: Just you watch, son, your father’s Superbad!
Vernon: *Straightens up, fists balled, muttering darkly* I’ll squash that Mr. Woodcock!
-Azkabanana

‘I know who did it! It was Mr. Potter, with the dementors, in the alleyway!’
-Nikki and Bri

Vernon: What do you mean, ‘your head is tilted the same way as it is in that framed photograph?’
Harry: Oh, nothing…
-Dev

Announcer: Welcome back to Big Brother: Dursley edition! Dudley is now voting to evict.
Dudley: *Points to Harry*
Announcer: I’m sorry, Harry, but you have been evicted from the Big Brother house.
Harry: Could have seen that coming from a mile away…
-Amanda M.

‘It’s him… HE was the one that stole my crispety, crunchety, peanut-buttery Butterfinger! Get him!’
-Zacchiaus

Finding magical abilites later in life, Dudley Dursley studied magic under the darkest of wizards and re-emerged: ‘Lord Dudley.’ He was known to inject fear into the bravest man with his dreaded ‘pull my finger’ curse.
-Brother Dave

Vernon: Can you point to the defendant?
Dudley: *Points*
Petunia: Are you sure?
Dudley: The evidence was right on the FLOOR.
Announcer: Now, with new Swiffer swish and flick…
-Amy L.P.

Share on Facebook0Tweet about this on Twitter0Share on Reddit0Share on Google+0Share on StumbleUpon0Share on TumblrDigg thisEmail this to someone