Week of February 1, 2009
Snape: ‘Hello. I’m Severus Snape alongside Minerva McGonagall, and we’re here to break down today’s game.’
Snape: This necklace, Minerva, is a promise for the future. I cannot afford a ring or a wedding at the moment, but I promise, one day it will be done.
McGonagall: Oh, Severus, it’s beautiful. I’ll always love you.
Trio: *Jaws drop*
Harry: Five Sickles says she’ll slap him. Girls hate ugly jewelry.
Ron: You’re on!
Antiques Roadshow makes its way to Hogwarts.
Snape: ‘Well, there’s only one way to know whether or not this has a deadly curse on it. I’m going to need a volunteer…’
Ron: *Whispers to Harry* I hope we didn’t miss anything. I love OTSCs. Anyone bring popcorn?
Harry: What’s that?
Ron: It’s an Old Teacher Staring Contest.
Hermione: *Magicks a banner* GO PROFESSOR McGONAGALL!
McGonagall: I will win, Severus.
Snape: Oh really?
Snape: What if I throw a cursed necklace at you? *Throws*
McGonagall: *Falls over*
Snape: 3,457,356 points from Gryffindor!
Snape: Miss Granger, Cormac McLaggen has asked me to give you this lovely necklace…
Dumbledore (Invisible): *Sighs* ‘I literally have to pull each puppet string to get these guys to do something…’
Daniel: *Whispering* Rupert, move over… I can only be seen partially.
Snape: For an enchanted Dark object it certainly is… sparkly…
McGonagall: Well, that just goes to show that Dark Wizards are compensating for something. Wouldn’t you agree, Severus?
McGonagall: How much was this necklace, Harry?
McGonagall: TELL ME!
Harry: Okay! It was six Galleons!
McGonagall: I specifically said that secret santa presents were to be under five Galleons! 20 points from Gryffindor!
Hermione: ‘Welcome to the world of four-fingered professors. They like doing it Wormtail style.’
Snape: ‘Now, Weasley, through the hoop!!!’
Snape: You touch it.
McGonagall: No, you touch it.
McGonagall: Do you see them in the mirror, Professor? They look awful worried; it’s so unhealthy for young children!
Snape: I would be worried, too, if I were the Chosen One and even Hermione Granger was taller than me.
Ron: Remind me again… why do we dress like it’s the 21st Century and they dress like it’s the 19th Century?
Hermione: Alfonso Cuarón.
Snape: So Potter gets a Hallow, Granger gets a book, Weasley gets a lighter and I get… a necklace.
McGonagall: Better than me. I got a bag of sherbet lemons and a pair of Betty Boop socks.
McGonagall: Remember, Severus, swish and flick…
Snape: Wingardium… Leviosa…
Hermione: He’s saying it wrong.
Snape: It’s a cursed necklace, alright.
Minerva: What kind of curse?
Snape: I believe it’s a curse that sends you six months into the future, despite the fact that you PROMISED the movie would come out on-
Minerva: You still on that??
Snape: ‘How extraordinary; you three actually managed to find a necklace more vile than Mr. Weasley’s sweater.’
McGonagall: So… what do we do with the necklace now?
Snape: In order to remove the curse, we must go to the deepest, darkest part of the forest, lay it on the ground where it can be basked with the light of the full moon, and encircle it with a ring of purple flames. Then we must hop on one foot around the flames, while chanting in Latin.
Ron: Or you could just chuck it.
Snape: …That’ll work.
He went to Jared!
Snape: ‘Two adult and three children tickets for Twilight, please…’