Week of July 5, 2009
Fred: That’s just not natural.
George: I think you’re right, Fred. *Tilts head to the side* I’m sure when we tested that our bodies didn’t bend that way.
Harry: …Wow, nice suits! Did your mother dress you two this morning?
Fred and George: …Yes…
‘Hey, brown pin-striped suits work for the Doctor. And we’re ginger.’
If The Sopranos was filmed in Diagon Alley…
Fred and George: Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes is a dead zone. Reception is horrible. Your calls are lost and you can’t get your precious emails.
Harry: Um… I have Verizon Wireless.
Fred and George: Oh, that’s cool. *Walk away*
Fred: When’d you get taller than me?
George: Guess I hit a growth spurt. *Hides bottle of growth potion*
Fred: ‘Welcome to Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes, 80% less weird than the Willy Wonka Candy Company.’
Fred: Have fun storming the castle!
George: Think they’ll make it?
Both: *Pause* …Goodbye!
George: Stupid Decepticon.
Fred: *Kicks it*
Fred: We got THAT rating?
George: For THIS caption?
Fred: You know, in hindsight, maybe we shouldn’t have put the Decoy Detonators next to the Unstickable Glue.
Fred: ‘Really, Harry, the pygmy puffs aren’t that strong.’
The Weasley Twins opened a completely original circus called ‘The Ringling Brothers and Fred and George.’
George: Did that rat just leave droppings on the floor?
Fred: Nope, he left a brilliant joke to sell Slytherin patrons.
George: Is that wand beating Ron upside the head?
Fred: That’s genius! Add it to our list.
Fred: Come here, children, do you want some chocolate in the back room?
George: Yes, come children, we won’t hurt you!
Fred: What do you reckon that is George?
George: It looks like a bad case of Bouillabaisse.
Fred: Bless you.
Fred: When did you get taller than me, George?
George: I’m not George, you are!
Fred: Then you’re Fred?
George: No I’m George.
Fred: I thought I was George.
George: Yes, you are George.
Fred: Ok, when did you get taller than me Fred?
George: I’m not Fred, I’m George!
J.K. Rowling: Make up your mind already!
Two Brothers…one adjective…pimpin’
Guy off-screen: *Falls through floor*
George: I told you the shop needed fixing up, but you just said ‘Nooo, it doesn’t matter if the railings are messed up, the paint job is terrible and the floor is rotten.’ Now look what happened!
Fred: *Rolls eyes*
Fred: Business is good, but the back’s where we’re making the real money.
George: Yeah, that’s where we’re selling the little bobble heads of you, Harry.
Fred: Uh…George – is that your ear in the display cabinet?
George: I didn’t know where else to put it!
Customer: There must be some mistake. This Dumbledore doll you sold me came without clothes.
Fred: So what’s wrong with it?
Fred: Yo mama so fat, she went to the movies and sat next to everyone!
Draco: Yo mama so fat, when she wants someone to shake her hand, she has to give directions!
George: Yo mama so fat, she laid on the beach and Greenpeace tried to push her back in the water!
Draco: Yo mama got you whiplashed so good, you still wear maroon even though you live on you own!
Fred: Oh, he’s good…
Fred: ‘No, sir, Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes does not sell cold medicine–it’s a joke shop!’
Oliver: Darn, James! We forgot the rest of our costume!
James: We’re never gonna get the part of the Joker without the white face makeup
Oliver: I dont think that there’s two Jokers anyway.
James: What? Blasphemy! I guess we’ll have to settle for that one movie with the twins.
Oliver: Harry Potter?
James: What? NO! The new Mary Kate and Ashley movie! They always need two smokin dudes!
Fred and George: Harry, why are you so small? *Snigger*
Harry: @!#%& candy!! What’s it called?
Fred: Little Lollies.
Harry: Grr. How do I get big again?
George: Well, we do sell a product called Big Beans…
Fred:…Which you can buy for 20 Galleons!
George: If you can get to the check out. *Snigger*