Week of March 14, 2010
Luna: Wrackspurts – they fly into your ears and make your brain go fuzzy.
Bella: Oh, Edward. You’re so sexy…
Luna: Bella’s head’s full of them!
The crowd at Ron Weasley’s ‘GINGERS HAVE SOULS’ rally was more diverse than anyone expected…
Luna: Is that…?
Edward: Do you see the Volturi?
Luna: No… it looks like a pack of Badactoruffs.
Bella: Bada- what?
Luna: Badactoruffs. They must be attracted to you – they are headed this way.
Edward: We’re looking for Jacob Black.
Luna: You mean Stubby Boardman?
Edward: *runs across the ground in seconds* As if you could outrun me! *destroys a boulder with his bare hands* As if you could fight me off!
Luna: This is very true… however, I can still do this. STUPEFY!
Bella: *Looking at Edward’s frozen body* Oh, you totally just destroyed his mojo…
Luna: ‘Yo Taylor Lautner, I’m really happy for you, I’mma let you finish, but Lupin was one of the best werewolves of all time!’
Luna: ‘Oh… dear. No shirt, no shoes, no entry. Sorry.’
Luna: Werewolves are a mixed bunch. For every Remus Lupin, there are ten Fenrir Greybacks. Are you willing to take a chance with Jacob Black? And who wants a hairy boyfriend when you can have one who sparkles like the back of a Crumple-Horned Snorcack? That’s why I’m voting for Team Edward in 2010.
Edward: I’m Edward Cullen, and I approve this message.
Bella: What’s she thinking, Edward?
Edward: I can’t tell – her mind is full of wrackspurts.
Edward: Those glasses… I can’t read her mind! I like that…
Bella: But what about m-
Edward: *To Luna* So, do you like sparkles?
Robert Pattinson: ‘Must…. be… sexier… than… George…. Clooney….‘
Edward: I don’t know why your blood smells so much sweeter than anyone else’s, Bella –
Luna: -It’s because she has diabetes.
Bella & Edward: ….
Luna: What happened to your clothes?
Edwad: I outgrew them. I’ve been growing an awful lot lately. I tower over everyone in Umbridge.
[everyone runs away and starts jumping out of the windows of Hogwarts]
Edward: Was it something I said?
*Sorry, this caption ran away because it saw Robert Pattinson.*
Luna: Oooh, is that a Jobberknoll?
Robert: Excuuuseeee me? The sexiest man alive is standing right next to you and all you can think about is Jobberknolls?
Kristin: You should be ashamed of yourself!
Bella: What do you see in her, Edward? She is so… weird.
Edward: I can’t explain it, Bella. I’m just drawn to her. Those spacey eyes, the vacant expressions..
Bella: REALLY? Is this how it’s going to end? You’re chosing her over me?
Edward: Her blood just smells sweeter.
Luna: Oh, Edward, it’s not my blood that smells sweeter. Nitty Naquads inhabit my veins and, strangely, their fecal matter smells like candy.
Rob: Kristen, I’d like you to meet Evanna Lynch. She read the HP series like 10 times and really studied the character of Luna in order to actually become her in her audition. She eats, breathes and lives the character and it really shows on screen.
Kristin: *Breath*, *pause with lip-biting*, w-wh-what are you trying to say, *cut eyes sideways*, *blink 12 times*, I mean, like what do you mean? *Makes a face like she smells something bad*
Rob: Uh, I just thought you should meet.
Luna: ‘The MuggleNet Caption Contest, having recently featured both George Clooney and Robert Pattinson, claims to be trying to provide captioners with amusing subjects…
BUT IS IT?
Startling new evidence reveals the Caption Contests’ sinister attempts to appeal to the ”fangirl” population. Next week, the Jonas Brothers are expected to appear, posing with shirtless Umgubular Slashkilters…’
Edward: Don’t worry, Bella. With my shirt off, I’ll save you.
Luna: With my new glasses, I can see through your spray tan, Edward.
Edward & Bella: …..
Luna: So, let me see if I’ve gotten this straight. In my franchise, the main villain is a powerful wizard with an army of followers who takes over the whole government in the final installment.
Luna: And in your franchise, the villain is… Dakota Fanning?
Bella: Go away.
Bella: Don’t you see, Edward? I want to become a vampire like you.
Edward: Bella, please…
Luna: I don’t think you should be a vampire, Bella.
Edward & Bella: *Stare at Luna*
Luna: The Cullen vampires are part of the Chagrin Fayskin Comspiracy. They’re working to bring down the Vulturi using a combination of sparkling skin and purple prose.
Edward & Bella: …
Edward: Stephanie Meyers gave us a plucky young companion to boost comic relief.
Edward: To heck with lambs – I likes me some raddishes tonight.
Luna: *Backing away slowly* …Derigible… plums…
Luna: ‘That’s a negative – these magic glasses don’t make Kristen Stewart look any better of an actress.’
Luna: ‘Would you believe it? Dad prints in The Quibbler that vampires sparkle and people say it’s his craziest idea ever!’
Bella: *Incredulously* That’s the evil Jane you keep telling me about?
Edward: No, that’s her sister Luna. She’s, well… odd.
Luna: *Dreamy voice* I like turtles…
Jane: I hate Bring Your Sibling to Work Day.
Bella: *Thinking* I wish I were that cool.
Edward: *Thinking* I wish I were that cool.
Luna: ‘I hope there’s pudding.’
Edward: Hey, I remember you. You’re that Ravenclaw chick… uh, Loony? Loofa?
Bella: You had a girl at your school named ‘Loony’?
Luna: Yeah, you should be talking…
Luna: Quick, Edward, the Evil Volturi vampires are coming. Put these glasses on so they won’t recognize you.
Edward: That’s great, Luna, but what about Bella?
Luna: Bella who?
Bella: *whining* Why do all girls hate me so much?
Luna: ‘So, in your series, vampires are basically male veela?’