Week of April 18, 2010
Hermione: Oh, gosh, Harry! What happened?!
Harry: Well, Mal-
Ron: -Hey, Harry, be a bud and pass the food, would you? I’ve finished mine already.
Harry: … *Thinks* Well, good to know he cares…
Harry: ‘It’s terrible; Voldemort’s out to kill me, Sirius is dead, and I just can’t kick my nail-biting habit!’
Hermione: First day at Hogwarts and you’ve already engaged in a fight…
Harry: I didn’t fight with anyone, okay?
Ron: Then what’s with the bloody nose?
Harry: I was talking with Cho and I asked how people talk in China and then she started speaking Chinese and I didn’t understand and my nose started bleeding.
Harry and Hermione: …
Hermione: Ron, can you name four animals of the cat family?
Ron: Mother cat, Father cat, and two kittens.
Harry: Dang, Hermione, all I do is tell you that Grawp was asking for his ‘Hermy’ and then you give me a ‘Malfoy Special.’
Hermione: I HATE being called ‘Hermy’!
Ron: Well it’s better than ‘Her-mo-ninny,’ isn’t it?
Stay tuned for next week’s bloodbath…
Harry: ‘No, seriously, guys… your hair is on fire.’
Ron: What happened, Harry?
Harry: I got a nosebleed from the lack of space between Great Hall caption pictures.
Ron: That’s… not funny.
Hermione: Well didn’t you here? We’re in a caption recession!
Harry: Maybe we’re in a caption picture recession, too.
Ron: *Completely oblivious to Harry’s state* ‘Is it just me, or is there less food this year?’
Harry and Hermione: *Stare at Ron*
Dan Radcliffe: I got cast in Harry Potter at the age of eleven and now I’m doing Broadway plays!
Rupert Grint: Wow, you should write a book: How to Succeed in Hollywood without Really Trying!
Ron: Are you done with that, Harry?
Harry: No! You keep your fingers away from my chicken nuggets, or I’ll break them!
Ron: My fingers – or the chicken nuggets?
Harry: I’m warning you!
Hermione: Ron, can you name the four seasons?
Ron: Salt, pepper, vinegar, and mustard.
Harry: Ron, this is an intervention.
Hermione: Yes, we’re really worried about you.
Ron: *Mouth full of food* I do not have a problem.
Harry: You licked our plates clean. It’s a problem.
Neville: *In background* Yeah, mine, too!
It was then that Harry realized he was actually eating a hacky-sack.
Ron: So, what did one duck say to the other duck?
Harry: *Sigh* What, Ron, did one duck say to the other duck?
Ron: NOTHING! Ducks can’t talk!
Harry: I’ve had such a bloody bad day!
Ron: Bloody! Get it?
Harry: Did you see the guards change when you were in London?
Ron: No; they always pulled the blinds down.
Goblet #1: They must have liked us – we’re in a caption photo again!
Harry: ‘Let me put it to you this way, Ron – the next time you feel like telling Professor McGonagall she’s an uptight hag – don’t.’
Ron: I never told you, Harry-
Ron: -That I find you extremely attractive when you’re covered in blood.
Ron: Well, why else d’you think I’d hang out with him?!
Harry: I need a good distraction.
Ron: I like pretty ponies; I even dream about them.
Hermione: I think that’ll do it, Ron.
Everyone Else: …
Ginny: Potter is our king!
Ron: Wow, obviously someone needs to do some re-reading before we start filming again…
Ron: Oi, Harry, is that blood?!
Harry: No! Are you crazy? I’m just wiping off all of the lipstick Ginny got all over my face when we were-
Ron: *Giving Harry the Death Stare*
Harry stared at the tomato that had squirted his glasses. If it were a battle of wits, the tomato may have met its equal…