Week of May 5, 2013
Ron: ‘Property of Lucius Malfoy’?
Harry: Hermione, you’ve got to stop stealing things from famous people!
Hermione: *Thinking* Please give me Ryan Reynolds shirtless. Please, please, please!
Ron: There’s a grumbling sound and it’s not coming from this thing…
Hermione: I know where it’s coming from.
Harry: Your stomach!
Ron: Wow. Dumbledore’s magic green lantern… with which I can summon anything I want!
Minister: But remember… only one thing.
Ron: *Dreamily* Yah…
Harry: Ok. Which Horcrux should we summon?
Ron: I summon a beef sandwich!
Ron: What? I was hungry.
Scrimgeour: ‘To Ronald Bilius Weasley, I leave my entire collection of superhero memorabilia…’
Ron: This is for ME? Finally, it’s acknowledged that I am an individual person instead of just ‘Harry’s sidekick’! Finally, I get an awesome thing which Harry doesn’t get!
Scrimgeour: I’m sorry, my mistake… that was meant for Harry.
Little did the trio know, Ron was holding the 8th Horcrux – Tom Riddle’s night light.
In brightest day, in blackest night,
Death eaters shan’t escape my sight.
Let those who worship the Dark Lord’s might,
Beware for my Deluminator’s light!
…and Hermione thought the Guardians lowered the bar after giving G’nort a power ring…
Minister: ‘First, to Ronald Bilius Weasley, I leave my lantern in the hopes that he will fill the role of the Green Lantern with pride and honor.’
Ron: OMG – I am Ryan Reynolds.
Hermione: So. Our Comic Con characters are settled. I’m going as Hawkgirl, Harry is Clark Kent, Ron is Guy Gardner and Rufus is Jor-El.
Ron: But I wanted to be The Flash.
Harry: It’s not too late to get you an Aquaman costume, you know…
Ron: Okay, I’ll shut up.
Ron discovers the Ministry’s stock of Avada Kedavra.
Scrimgeour: It’s glowing! That means you’ve been chosen, Mr. Weasley!
Ron: All right! Wait… what have I been chosen for?
Scrimgeour: Uh… I think it’ll be kinder if I tell you tomorrow. By the way – do you happen to own a hazmat suit?
Ron: ‘Well… I did tell Dumbledore once that I liked camping…’
Hermione: ‘Ron, it’s a Wizarding Irish Lucky Charm… apparently Professor Dumbledore wanted it to rub off on you.’
‘Oh, man… no fair! I wanted Mjolnir!’
Ron: *Whispers* ‘Harry, I think he nicked the stuff Dumbledore left for us! This is just some old rubbish from my dad’s old office!‘
Ron: ‘Harry – you still have that eBay account?’