The U-Bend #36: 50 Points to Gryffindor!

by Andrew Lee and Robert Lanto

“Now, 50 points for the person (with musical talent) who can turn this into an mp3 for those of us who don’t own their own band/recording studio.”
The U-Bend #30 — Half-Blood Pie


The Pre-Interview Stuff:

Holy crap! Someone actually listened to something we said (and in a good way). Katerina of The Song Maker has actually transformed our Goblet of Fire musical movie review, “Half-Blood Pie,” into a full-fledged mp3. And, like the nice gents that we are, we decided to do an interview with her (not just because it allows us to not write an article). Without further delay, here’s our interview with our newest favorite fan: Katerina!

The Interview

The U-Bend: Who are you and where did you come from?
Katerina: I am Katerina, a.k.a. thesongmaker, and I live in Athens, Greece. Rather than describing you my family, I suggest you watch the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding. It’s accurate, and funny, too.TUB: What do you do?
K: Besides being an incurably hooked HP fan, I attend high school, I watch a lot of movies, I like traveling, but my number one obsession is music. I compose and perform my own pop songs, including music, lyrics, vocals, mixing, the whole nine yards. My target is to establish myself in the music industry. I know it’s really tough, but I am determined. My biggest dream: to write the score and a few songs for a future HP movie.

TUB: Why The Song Maker?
K: There are so many lousy music sites on the net, so I thought why not add another one? I needed a codename for my site and my e-mail that would describe me best. Well, The Song Maker sounds pretty accurate for somebody that makes songs, and it’s catchy, too. Seriously, I hope that the visiting HP fans will enjoy what’s in there and I would love to have their comments.

TUB: When did you first read Harry Potter?
K: I was 10 and all the buzz around Harry Potter had triggered my curiosity. So I bought the first book and I was immediately addicted. After reading the first four books I was counting down the days to the next one. The fifth happened to be released on my birthday, June 21, and of course it was the best present ever.

TUB: Why are you a fan?
K: I enjoy the books immensely. It’s incomprehensible to me how Jo came up with such an amazing story. Every time I read the books, I am dragged into their magic more and more.

TUB: Favorite character?
K: Besides Harry, I really enjoy Fred and George. They are just hilarious and their products are unbelievable. I would give almost anything for a day of shopping in Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes.

TUB: Favorite book of the series?
K: I love them all, but I enjoyed the second one a little more. I believe that’s because it wasn’t too dark (nobody died) and I really liked the part towards the end, where Harry sticks the basilisk’s tooth in the diary. Although, in a series you really enjoy, the last one you read tends to be your favorite.

TUB: Why spend your time on “Half-Blood Pie”?
K: I was doing my daily surfing on MuggleNet and I was surprised to see the word “musical” next to “spoiler.” I was intrigued, so I read the lyrics and was impressed. The summary of one of the greatest books ever in a song? Well, that was something. When I noticed you asked for an mp3 at the end, I decided it was definitely worth some of my time. I normally write my own music and lyrics, but this case was unique. “American Pie” is a classic and the HP lyrics were great, so I felt it deserved to become a song.

TUB: How long did it take?
K: It’s hard to tell exactly. It always takes a while, but I worked on “Half-Blood Pie” with a special devotion. I never sit down and finish something in a day, though. When you make a song and want it to sound as good as possible, you make many changes and revisions along the way. I believe that a song can always get better, no matter how good it already is.

TUB: Any difficulties?
K: Not really. The toughest part is composing the music and writing the lyrics. In this case, however, it was already done. Of course, arranging and performing the song require constant evaluation and repeated efforts to make the song better. It’s not difficult, but it takes time. It’s a process. Sorry, Billy Crystal!

TUB: Anything you’d like to add?
K: A big thank you to, THE ultimate HP fan site, for making your site a magnificent surfing experience, and to Andrew Lee personally for hosting this interview and for the great “Half-Blood Pie” lyrics. Guys, you are the best! Keep up the fabulous work you are doing.

The MP3

The mp3 has changed a bit from the original lyrics. First off, we corrected a few mistakes, shortened some lines so that someone could actually sing them and left two mistakes in the song.

The first mistake was pointed out by one astute reader who mentioned that the notes (in reference to the Potions book) would not be 50 years old, rather something closer to 30 years old (Andrew: Actually I was basing it off the fact that Eileen Prince was the original owner of the book…even though I have no factual evidence to back that up. *Robert whispers something* What do you mean that would still not be 50 years?!?! OK, it’s a mistake.)

The second mistake is the line, “no remorse from Snape’s the spell.” Somehow, an extra “the” was inserted where it doesn’t belong. It was such a small mistake no one noticed it until very late in the game. But hey, we’re not perfect. This is The U-Bend, after all. Luckily in the mp3, the lyric has been changed to “Snape’s DEATH spell.” So, there is no mistake there.

So, you guys ready? Right click here and Save As… to save the 4.8MB mp3 to your computer. Then, come back and follow along with the lyrics below!

The Lyrics

“Half-Blood Pie (Revised)”
Original Lyrics from “American Pie” By: Don McLean
Music by: Katerina, a.k.a. The Song Maker

A long, long time ago
the Prime Minister had a lot on his chest.
Strange occurrences meant he couldn’t rest
while Scrimgeour told him that the war was quite a mess.
Meanwhile, Harry left with Dumbledore
to help him go settle an old score
and end the reign of Voldemort.
Harry helped recruit Slughorn
before arriving at the Weasley’s door,
spent the summer with his best friend Ron
and Hermione also tagged along.
Together on the Hogwarts Express,
no one knew he would soon face his ultimate test
that day, away, in July…

My, my that hot day in July, reading the Half-Blood Prince and the hours flew by
that good ol’ time before the O.W.L.s arrived while Fred and George opened their store,
Fred and George opened their store.

The Half-Blood Prince owned the Potions book
which Harry hid like a crook,
but when the book told him so,
could Harry be so bold
and trust the notes which were over 50 years old?
His mark in Potions shot up overnight,
he thought the notes were surely right,
and even though the source
had spells which showed no remorse.
The warnings fell on deaf ears
until it was to late to hear
the screams of Moaning Myrtle in the loo,
using a spell that was taboo,
that day, away, in July.

She starting singin’…
My, my that hot day in July, reading the Half-Blood Prince and the hours flew by
that good ol’ time before the big fight and how did Malfoy keep out of sight,
and how did Malfoy keep out of sight?

We finally learned about Tom
from his times as a lonely snob,
but that’s not the only things we got to see,
with the Pensieve we got to feel
what his mom sold for a meal
and the things Voldemort had to steal.
Oh, we could do nothing but frown,
when the plans Voldemort formed were found.
Tom’s interest was nothing but a sham
the Horcruxes were backbone of his plan,
to live on forever, he’d have to kill, maim and dismember.
The Horcrux in the cave was guarded by a powerful curse,
and to make matters even worse, R.A.B. had gotten there first!
That day, away, in July.

He had written…
My, my that hot day in July, reading the Half-Blood Prince and the hours flew by
Slughorn’s memory was a constructed lie and you’ll see why Voldemort didn’t die,
you’ll see why Voldemort didn’t die.

Lovey Dovey felt in Harry’s tummy
around Ginny and Luna he acted kinda funny,
while Ron and Lavender were kissin’ fast,
Hermione tried to fire back
relationships that failed in the past
while Romilda on the sidelines seeing last.
Poor old Harry, caught in the middle,
walking a tightrope to prevent a quibble,
he had to wait until Ron’s birthday,
oh, but we never got to say hurray,
ended at the hospital wing,
Hermione felt so many things.
will you recall the songs Ron and her will sing, that day, away, in July.

They started singin’…
My, my that hot day in July, reading the Half-Blood Prince and the hours flew by
that good ol’ time seein the Quidditch team fly and that Ginny and Harry were havin’ a good time,
that Ginny and Harry were havin’ a good time.

Oh and there they were all in one place,
Death Eaters violated Hogwarts’ sacred space.
Harry and Dumbledore just returned
into the revenge Malfoy yearned.
And against our wishes Snape became a fiend
or J.K. would like it to seem.
As Harry watched him on the stage,
his hands were clenched in fists of rage,
no remorse from Snape’s death spell
that ended when Dumbledore fell,
and as Eaters escaped high into the night
from the Dark Mark which is quite a sight
I saw Voldemort laughing with delight,
that day, away, in July.

He was singin’…
My, my that hot day in July, reading the Half-Blood Prince and the hours flew by
that bad ol’ time havin’ to see Dumbledore die
and saying did Snape really have to lie,
saying did Snape really have to lie?

In the end, I met some friends
we talked and tried to comprehend
but they had other things to attend.
So, then I went down to that sacred store
where I’d bought the books before
but the man there said the next book did not arrive.
And in the streets: the fans screamed, the ‘shippers cried,
the editorials teamed but not a word was token,
because J.K. had spoken.
And the characters who meant the most to me
Harry, Ron, and Hermione,
still make me think of that great fantasy
that day, away, in July.

And they were singin’…
My, my that hot day in July, reading the Half-Blood Prince and the hours flew by
that good ol’ fun waitin’ till the series goes bye
and saying the next one I’ll be first in line,
the next one I’ll be first in line.

They were singin’…
My, my that hot day in July, reading the Half-Blood Prince and the hours flew by
that good ol’ fun waitin’ till the series goes bye
and saying that the next one I’ll be first in line.


Special Thanks to Katerina, who’s claimed 50 points for Gryffindor and the admiration of all five of our fans!

Editor’s note: Be sure to check out her site, where she’s also recorded her own versions of “A Cauldron Full Of Hot, Strong Love” and “You Charmed The Heart Right Out Of Me.” Thanks, Katerina!