CC #249: Week of January 20, 2008

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Guy in Middle: ‘I want his hat…’
-Mrs. Reynolds

Dumbledore: *Off-screen* Who votes that we clear Harry?
*Everyone but Fudge and Umbridge raises their hand*
Fudge: Ha! It has to be unanimous, Dumbledore!
Harry: Who votes that the vote was unanimous?
*Everyone but Fudge and Umbridge raises their hand*
Harry: Majority wins. The vote was unanimous!

Electile Dysfunction.

Due to the capture of the yearly burner of the Hogwarts School transcripts, these students were finally able to graduate.

Harry: *Off-screen* Minister, perhaps the Wizengamot would be a bit more imposing if their hats weren’t so silly looking…
Fudge: *Off-screen* Nonsense, Potter. And to prove it, by show of hands, who thinks these hats look stupid?
Entire Wizengamot: *Raises hands*

Fudge: *Gloomily fundraising off-screen* …and since we’ve discovered that the treacle tart will be made my Hagrid… *sigh* – raise your hands if you would like to retract your order…

Man on Left: What is it?
Man in rear: I – I don’t know…
Man in front: *Touches* It wiggles…
Woman: It’s Jello, you fools…

Guy in Middle: ‘Excuse me… but may I use the little Wizard’s room?’

Harry: ‘…and Simon says right hand up…. right hand down. HAHA! You’re out!’

Man in Back Right: We’re number one! We’re number one!
Woman: We’re number five! We’re number five!

Fred and George: Now, raise your right hand and repeat after us – ‘I solemnly swear…’
Wizengamot: I solemnly swear…
Fred and George: …that I…
Wizengamot: …that I…
Fred and George: …am up to no good.
Wizengamot: …am up to no good.
Fred and George: Congratulations! You are all now officially members of the Marauder Secret Society! You may throw your hats.
Wizengamot: *Throw their hats*
Fred: Now go get them.
-The Flying Squirrel

In response to the current economic, political and social turmoil in the Wizarding World, the distinguished members of the Ministry of Magic play ‘The Hokey Pokey’ in hopes that it will turn ‘it all’ around. Says one member: ‘that is, indeed, what it is all about.’

Fudge: Who here honestly believes that I eat Goblins?!
Everyone: *Raises hand*
Fudge: …I still don’t see how the Quibbler found out, though…

While they may have failed miserably at upholding justice, the Wizengamot was surprisingly successful as a gospel choir.
Wizards: ‘This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine…’

Harry raising morale in the Ministry…
Harry: I can’t give all of you high-fives…
The Rest: Awwww…. PLEASE?!

Man in front: ‘Well this is awkward… we all came in the same outfit…’
-Moon Fang

Fudge: This is ridiculous!
Madam Bones: What’s ridiculous?
Fudge: The entire Wizengamot is taking the day off because they’ve injured their voting hands.
Madam Bones: Couldn’t you just send them to St. Mungo’s then?
At St. Mungo’s…
Welcomewitch: So… er… are you all from the Wizengamot?
-Rose W.

Percy: Sir, the Wizengamot are on strike.
Fudge: Yes, I can see that. Does this mean they’re going to cancel the Oscars?
Percy: Sir, you’re thinking of the writer’s strike.
Fudge: Oh… do the Wizengamot write anything?
Percy: They write captions for the MuggleNet Caption Contest.
Percy: Yes, yes, support the Wizengamot.
Fudge: Why did I just say that?
Percy: It appears they’re writing this one, sir.
Fudge: *Panics* Does this mean they control everything we do?
Percy: It appears so, sir.
Fudge: Great. I’m going to give every Wizengamot member everything they’ve always wanted. Then, I plan to run down Diagon Alley wearing nothing but Dobby the House-Elf’s tea cosy whilst screaming ‘I LOVE THE WIZENGAMOT!’ Oh, no, they really are controlling me!
Percy: Fascinating, sir. I’ll go tell the Daily Porphet what you plan on doing.
-One Very Angry Wizengamot Member

Fudge: Before we begin, let us say the pledge.
Wizengamot: *Pledge with right hand raised* I am a nice shark, not a mindless eating machine. If I am to change this image, I must first change myself. Fish are friends, not food.
Harry and Dumbledore: …

Warner Bros. remakes 12 Angry Men and presents it as a Harry Potter spinoff. The public loved it, the critics hated it, and JK Rowling made over 50 million bucks. Everyone a winner!

Wizengamot Early Morning Aerobics.
-Princess Me





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Eric S.

Eric Scull joined MuggleNet in November of 2002. Since that time, he’s presided over a number of sections, including name origins and Dear Hogwarts, but none so long as the recently revived Crazy Caption Contest. Eric is a Hufflepuff who lives in Chicago and loves the outdoors.