The U-Bend #46: Where Did All the Ron Rons Go?

by Andrew Lee

“You know. You still want me.”
– Ron Weasley (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows)

Welcome to The U-Bend! Dim the lights, close the blinds and shut the door. Today you are about to learn the truth about a horrifying Harry Potter secret that J.K. Rowling didn’t want you to know. Many bothans died to bring us this information and only the mind of a genius (i.e. me!) could decipher it. Now a quick warning: The information you are about to read has the power to change the very nature of the ending of the entire Harry Potter series as we know it. Prepare to have your mind blown!

First, it all relates back to a key scene in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Approximately two-thirds of the way through the book we learn something very important: Other characters can learn to beat Harry, because Harry is predictable. In this case, after years of stunning Quidditch defeats and savage spell attacks on the train ride to Hogwarts, Draco Malfoy finally manages to beat Harry Potter by using years of knowledge to his advantage. This is very important because it teaches us two things: 1. Other characters learn from Harry’s actions, and 2. Harry doesn’t necessarily learn from other characters’ actions.

So let’s jump ahead to Deathly Hallows. One of the things we see Order of the Phoenix members doing is constantly quizzing each other over facts about their histories and relationships. After all, evil is about and Polyjuice Potion makes impersonation easy. First shown in Goblet of Fire and returning in Half-Blood Prince, Voldemort’s forces (or those aligned with them) will use Polyjuice Potion to hide in the shadows. So Harry’s had two opportunities to learn that Polyjuice Potion is a powerful brew that can mask anyone’s true identity. He sees the adults around him using quizzes as a protective measure against this. So all this builds up to one key scene: Ron’s return on the lake.

So it’s winter, and Harry and Hermione have been without Ron for over a month (or two). They’ve just barely survived an attack on their lives and are out cold, shivering and alone in the woods. Harry follows the Silver Doe to a nearby lake, freezes his bum off and, ta-da, Ron shows up and saves his life! Now, given the situation, I would imagine that trying to shatter the locket takes priority (Evil Harry lives!) and Ron did manage to do it. Ron’s back and he’s the big hero for Harry and Hermione.

Now, what’s the one thing that everyone has been doing to check against Polyjuice Potion? That’s right, they quiz each other. So what does Harry forget to do? What does Hermione not do? Oh that’s right, quiz Ron! Any other action taken by Ron afterwards is moot. This infiltrator-Ron could have single-handedly saved Hogwarts by himself — but it doesn’t matter.

The real Ron is locked away in some cupboard somewhere while infiltrator-Ron and Hermione enjoy the quiet life out in the English countryside.

While Harry’s scar burns no more, the search for Ron is being ignored.