CC #328: Week of March 21, 2010

⬇️⬇️ Scroll down in the below area to read all captions from this week! ⬇️⬇️

Jack: ‘You’re going to tell me all you know about Horcruxes, or I’ll do more than just iron those hands!’
-Andrew W.

Replacing Daniel Radcliffe: Audition 1
Jack: Why’d you take my letters? Huh, punk? I’m not gonna ask you again!
Directors: CUT! NEXT!
Jack: *Walks away in shame*

Dobby: ‘But this isn’t 24! It’s only 9 and 3/4!’

Jack: You will tell me everything. Sit down!
Dobby: Oh, you’re a wonderful man!

Dobby: ‘Oh, goody! First we had George Clooney, then Robert Pattinson, and Dobby’s next! Dobby must be sexy!’

Dobby: Jack Bauer should be more careful. Jack Bauer will be in trouble with the station guards.
Jack Bauer: No one’s going to be upset over me roughing up a House Elf.
Dobby: No, I mean Jack Bauer will be in trouble for carrying a gun. That’s illegal in England.
Jack Bauer: Oh…

Dobby: Can you save Hogwarts quickly, Mr. Jack Bauer, sir?
Jack Bauer: ‘Quickly’? I’ll do it in twenty-four hours!
Dobby: Wow, that’s quick, sir.
Jack Bauer: The twenty-four hours will be interspersed over the course of a year. And I promise you that evil will be defeated in time for May sweeps!
Dobby: Dobby will forget this idea, sir.

Dobby: Dobby shan’t say anything without his lawyer present.
-Kelsey S.

Dobby: ‘RAPE! RAPE!’

Jack: ‘Tell me, Dobby! When did this happen before; who’s doing it now?!’

Jack Bauer: Dobby, I need detailed background information on everyone in Harry Potter’s staff now.
Dobby: Why?
Jack Bauer: Because, I think this is about him and I want us to be prepared…
Dobby: Wow, Jack, you’re a genius. What gave it up – the name in the title?

Dobby: Of course, Dobby will let Mr. Jack Bauer through the barrier – even though he is a Muggle, sir. Mr. Jack Bauer is just that awesome, sir.
Jack Bauer: That’s right.

Kiefer: I was expecting you in the fourth and fifth films and you weren’t there!
Dobby: But, it was the director –
Kiefer: No excuses! You’re going to pay for this!
Dobby: *Gulps*

Jack Bauer: Dobby! What are you doing?
Dobby: Dobby is going to close platform 9 3/4 so Harry Potter and Ron Weasley cannot come to Hogwarts because the Chamber of Secrets has been opened, no sir!
Jack Bauer: So you’re going to do all of that?
Dobby: Ya, pretty much.
Jack Bauer: Don’t even think about it.

Jack Bauer: ‘Did you put Harry’s name in the Goblet of Fire?

Dobby: ‘Excuse me, sir, but Dobby must tell you that… er… Dobby wiped his nose on this pillowcase, sir…’
-Fred is Dead

Two seconds later, Jack Bauer was suddenly suspect-less and covered in cake frosting.

Jack Bauer: Tell me, little elf! Where is it?!
Dobby: I don’t know!
Director: *Off-screen* Aaaand… cut! Nice work, Kiefer.
Kiefer Sutherland: Thanks man. I’m sorry, Dobby!
Dobby: That’s okay, Kiefer!
Director: Okay, people. Let’s take five.
Kiefer: Wanna go get a soda?
Dobby: Sure. *Hugs*

Jack: Just tell me where Potter is and no one gets hurt.
Dobby: Let me go, and we’ll talk.
Jack: Okay. *Releases*
Dobby: *Clicks fingers and disappears*
Jack: Every time!

Jack: ‘Where are the letters? Give them to me!’
-Dobby’s Sock

This week’s special episode:
11am to 12pm – Harry and Ron make their way to Hogwarts in Mr. Weasley’s flying car while Jack investigates the reason behind the sealed barrier.


Dobby: And why won’t you let me through?
Guy: No shirt, no shoes, no service!
Dobby: I’m a house elf, I am not free. I am not allowed to wear proper clothes.

Dobby: ‘Is it true that Master Bauer can go twenty-four hours without eating, drinking or visiting the wash closet?’

Driver: ‘You get on my subway! You harrass the passengers! You break a window! You try to pay with some big gold coins! You bang yourself into the walls! And then you make a pudding explode, and try to get out of it by teling me that you thought I was Harry Potter?!’

Man: ‘Stop trying to save Harry! He’s not in any trouble – the action is fake!’

If Jack Bauer had been on the case in Chamber of Secrets:
Dobby: All right, Dobby remembers! Lucius Malfoy put Tom Riddle’s diary in Ginny Weasley’s cauldron. It’ll force her to open the Chamber of Secrets!
Ron: So what are we gonna do for the whole rest of the year?

Jack: What did you do with the warhead codes? TELL ME!
Dobby: Dobby only cannot say, sir. Dobby only wants Mr. Jack Bauer to be safe, sir.
-Terrance P.

Jack: Are you the one who closed the barrier?
Dobby: Dobby didn’t want Jack to go back… Dobby is only thinking of Mr. Jack Bauer, sir… Dobby doesn’t want Jack to be hurt.
Jack: What are you talking about, Dobby?
Dobby: Harry Potter will be there, Sir. And Dobby knows how temperamental Harry can be…
Jack: *Nodding in agreement*

Jack: ‘Dobby! Don’t you ever hide a sock in my book again!’





Return to Caption Contest Home

Eric S.

Eric Scull joined MuggleNet in November of 2002. Since that time, he’s presided over a number of sections, including name origins and Dear Hogwarts, but none so long as the recently revived Crazy Caption Contest. Eric is a Hufflepuff who lives in Chicago and loves the outdoors.