Voldemort is Alive
Dear Mr. Potter,
It is with great concern that I am writing you, Mr. Potter.
You see, I have read all seven volumes of your biography, written by Ms. Rowling, as well as seen all eight of the documentaries of your life. And there is but one thing that is left unanswered. I doubt anyone at Hogwarts would believe me, just as you felt when you were a student there. But I fear Voldemort was not entirely defeated. I know it sounds crazy, but please hear me out:
It is commonly known that you were used as a Horcrux due to the fact that you were the only thing living Riddle’s soul was able to cling onto. But the fact is, and you yourself may have overlooked this, but as revealed in a letter you found in the House of Black, your parents had a cat! Now, furthermore when we look at the movies we see that Mrs. Norris, Mr. Filch’s cat, has red eyes. Remind you of anyone? I assure you, cats don’t normally have red eyes. Harry, as painful as it is to hear, I fear Mrs. Norris is another Horcrux. Mr. Filch must’ve adopted her after your parents’ untimely passing. Think about it, Harry. If you inherited Parseltongue, perhaps Mrs. Norris inherited Voldy’s red eyes.
Voldemort is out there, somewhere, desperately trying to make a return. The world needs your help. I fear for your children.
From the Desk of Harry Potter, Head Auror
Ministry of Magic
‘The Quibbler’ is a brilliant publication that can always use more articles.