One They Call You-Know-Who

by · Published · Updated

to the tune of “Girl All the Bad Guys Want” by Bowling for Soup

Late one night, at the Potters’ they’re playing
Not knowing that someone’s going to betray them
They hear the door creak and in comes Moldy Voldy
Not knowing that it’ll be the worst night he ever had

When he appears
It gets cold and the phoenix sings
But he’ll never notice Neville

While he’s killing wizards
The Order fights back hard
Hoping to kick Death Eater butt
Hoping not to get the lightning-struck tower card

It’s been a long decade
What with all the Voldy raids
Not having made any trades
Of prisoners with Death Eater maids
Cause he’s the one they call You-Know-Who
He’s the one they call You-Know-Who

In comes Voldy, and James sees he’s not moldy
He tells Lilly to take Harry and get away from the madman
But he’s wandless and quickly falls at the wizard’s feet
Never knowing that Harry is Voldy’s best match

When he appears
It gets cold and the phoenix sings
But he’ll never notice Neville

While he’s killing wizards
The Order fights back hard
Hoping to kick Death Eater butt
Hoping not to get the lightning-struck tower card

But they don’t stand a chance
No, not against this madman
Yet Harry only gets a scar
They think that this is fetched of far

It’s been a long decade
What with all the Voldy raids
Not having made any trades
Of prisoners with Death Eater maids
Cause he’s the one they call You-Know-Who
He’s the one they call You-Know-Who
He’s the one they call You-Know-Who

Then he disappears
He is gone, and people think he is done
But he isn’t really on his deathbed
All he wanted was to see Harry dead

Now he’s in Albania
Not beating the Order up
He is biding his time
Not realizing he is a dope

He doesn’t have a body
But the snakes think he’s a hotty
All he’s done is make a Horcrux…Horcrux…Horcrux

It’s been a long decade
What with all the Voldy Raids
Not having made any trades
Of prisoners with Death Eater maids
Cause he’s the one they call You-Know-Who

He’s the one they call You-Know-Who!
He’s the one they call You-Know-Who!
He’s the one they call You-Know-Who!
He’s the one they call You-Know-Who!
(Then he disappears)
He’s the one they call You-Know-Who!
He’s the one they call You-Know-Who!
(Then he disappears)
He’s the one they call You-Know-Who!
He’s the one they call You-Know-Who!

Submitted by: Mitchell