Spotted! Wizard Trying to Dress Like a Muggle
A man wearing traditional undertaker garb has been spotted paddling across the waters of Lake Burley Griffin in Australia. This in and of itself would have been enough to catch the attention of the local Muggles, but this gentleman wasn’t simply paddling a boat across the water. He was paddling a coffin.
Muggles of the area, naturally, are quite creeped out by the appearance of this mysterious being. So far they have suspected him of being anything from a ghost, to a lunatic, to Charon, the being from Greek mythology who transports the souls of the deceased into the Underworld from across the river Styx.
In the distance … we noticed a figure emerge from the thick fog,” Jeanne Mclauchlan, who saw the man on the lake last weekend, told the Canberra Times. “It was a figure of a man dressed in a tuxedo and top hat on a stand-up-paddle coffin, complete with flowers, paddling toward us.”
Luckily, we here at MuggleNet have been able to solve this most creepy of mysteries. Wizard Willy Weflen, a Billywig breeder from Sydney, has confirmed for us that it was he who was seen paddling the coffin across the lake last week. Weflen was apparently on his way to a party hosted by a Muggle relative of his. Not wanting to rouse the suspicions of the Muggle party goers, Weflen donned what he thought was appropriate party attire. He stated,
Personally, I feel that my top hat was far more appropriate for the occasion. In my opinion, Muggles these days dress far too casually.
When asked about arriving to the party via coffin, Weflen said,
Apparently, the Muggles don’t travel across water by coffin. They use what Ministry officials have informed me is called a boat. Who knew? The coffin proved to be perfectly buoyant, however, so I don’t understand why the Muggles would limit themselves in such a way.
Members of the Australian Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures are currently checking into the said buoyancy of Weflen’s coffin. They suspect Weflen may have used his Billywigs to keep the coffin afloat. This could be a violation of Clause 73 of the International Code of Wizarding Secrecy since Weflen would have potentially been transporting a magical creature into close proximity of Muggles. If charged, Weflen could potentially lose his Billywig breeding license.
Luckily for Weflen, members of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement have confirmed that they will not be slapping him with a Misuse of Muggle Artifacts charge, nor do they feel that it will be necessary to modify any Muggle memories. One official explained,
The local Muggles have done a brilliant job in coming up with their own explanations for this event as Muggles are wont to do. We do not believe that this will compromise the secrecy of the wizarding world in any way.
So crisis averted thanks to the overactive imaginations of the Muggles, but let’s all hope that Willy Weflen will consult renowned textbook Home Life and Social Habits of Australian Muggles by Wilhelm Wigworthy before venturing out into the Muggle world once again.