Chased Chaser! Dealing with unwanted attention

Dear Mr. Lockhart,

I am finding that I have an unwanted amount of attention coming towards me lately. Ever since I sank thirteen Quaffles at last Saturday’s game against Slytherin, people are taking the time to chat me up. Except they don’t go away. How do you handle the stress of being so popular? And do you have any tips about warding off would-be admirers?

Sincerely,
Chased Chaser

Dear Chased,

I can empathize with your predicament whole-heartedly. While I may not have my entire memory back as yet – (this is surely a blessing as the overwhelming brilliance of my accomplishments would be a burden to assimilate at once) – I vividly recall the hardship of having to disappoint many amorous admirers.

There is not a great deal to be done, I fear. Your apparent ability to quash Quaffles is likely to put you in this situation for some time. But you may take solace in knowing that you will never have as many fans as I do, and so, in comparison your problems are quite miniscule.

A word to the wise, always keep your humility intact. And the Peskipiksi Pesternomi spell can be surprisingly effective against certain over-zealous followers. If you know how to apply it properly!

Your humble servant,
Gilderoy Lockhart
Order of Merlin, Third Class;
Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defence League;
Five-time winner of Witch Weekly’s Most Charming Smile Award

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