Sorting the “Gilmore Girls” Characters – Part 2
The Sorting Hat is back once again from a trip to leafy Stars Hollow! As we saw in Part 1 of this Sorting, the Sorting Hat has plenty of opinions on the Gilmore Girls characters. So what could be better than to settle down with some more of our favorite characters and look inside their Hogwarts-investigated brains?
1. Richard Gilmore
Primarily, Richard is a man of intellect and wise words. He’d rather read the newspaper than talk to his wife, and he’s far more interested in adding to Rory’s bookshelves than anything else in her house during his first visit. Despite this, however, he is simultaneously a fierce defender of his name, valuing purity, wealth, and status as a “Gilmore,” often leading to him disregarding the things that really matter. He has heart and wit, but Slytherin qualities of fraternity and self-preservation lurk beneath a Ravenclaw exterior.
2. Emily Gilmore
We must note that there are good Slytherins, both in real life and fiction. But this, sadly, is not the case in the Gilmore Girls world. Emily Gilmore is a cold-blooded, ice-hearted Slytherin through and through. Rory’s grandmother is a woman of ambition, pride, and manipulation, scheming her way through life at the expense of others. More than content to bring down those around her for her own personal gain, over the course of seven seasons, we see that regardless of Lorelai and Rory’s impact on her life, she never truly changes. To her, the most important thing is to be seen as bourgeois and wealthy, ultimately clashing with her daughter and granddaughter. Ergo, Emily is a fantastic character, but if you don’t want your life left in ruins, she is not one to be crossed.
3. Sookie St. James
Perhaps the antithesis of Luke’s reluctant Hufflepuff, Lorelai’s best friend is the most Puffy Hufflepuff in Stars Hollow. In many respects, Sookie epitomizes the collective values of the town: pride, kindness, loyalty, and dedication. As an obsessive chef with a scarily large heart, time and time again she successfully tries to comfort people with food, acting as a literal and metaphorical warm hug to those around her. Her bubbly, rambunctious personality obliterates any other traits that could possibly supersede her status as a Hufflepuff, but we cannot ignore, like so many other characters in Gilmore Girls, her Slytherin-esque determination and healthy selfishness.
4. Lane Kim
Stars Hollow is a town of Hufflepuffs and Slytherins. Anyone who isn’t either (which coincidentally, neither of Gilmore Girls’ two protagonists are) is a rarity, just like Rory’s best friend, Lane Kim. Sure, Lane has ambition and heart that conform to the Slytherpuff town she resides in, but her outstanding qualities are those of a Gryffindor. Living in an almost Puritan atmosphere, she longs to have all the pop culture and fashion commodities that Mrs. Kim refuses to allow her. So instead she becomes a risk-taker, hiding rock CDs under the floorboards of her bedroom. Courage, bravery, and risk are clearly her finest assets, and these follow her throughout her story arc, to the point where she willingly accepts that she either has to be thrown out of her home, or her mother can accept her for who she is. A very different Gryffindor to Lorelai, but nevertheless, someone of skill, bravery, and passion who becomes one of the most admirable characters of the series.
5. The Boyfriends
I’m not going to lie: For me, all of Rory’s boyfriends were terrible. Dean gaslighted her, Jess would up and leave without warning, and Logan’s wealth blocked him from understanding her. However, I must, with deep uncertainty, align myself with #TeamJess. To Sort the three impartially like the Hat is difficult given my opinions. If it were my way, Dean wouldn’t even get his Hogwarts letter. He has hints of Slytherin, but ultimately, he’s no wizard. With their mutual love of books, Jess is Ravenclaw through and through. Logan is a Hufflepuff in nature, but Slytherin pride and purity runs just beneath the surface.
What are your thoughts on how we’ve Sorted the residents of Stars Hollow? Let us know in the comments!