Week of August 3, 2003
Boy: ‘No, honestly, it wasn’t me! It was the chair! It’s made of leather, and sometimes, when you sit on it….’
Girl: How about a joke?
Boy: Ok! There once was a man from Nantucket…
Harry: *Whispers to Ron and Hermione* I told you they were talking about me over there!
Hannah: Uhh… Ernie you have a little bit of chocolate on your chin… *points*
Ernie: *Wipes his chin, leaving a huge smear of ink on his face*
Ernie: Psst… Hannah! Harry Potter is the heir of Slytherin!
Hannah: Are you positive it’s him?! He always seemed so nice!
Ernie: Yeah, I’ve got reliable sources! …My mum’s hair dresser’s aunt heard it from her son in Romania, and he learned of it while dueling an old wizard, who swears that his half-sister’s cat saw Harry open the Chamber of Secrets!
Student: ‘Okay, this is the 1st meeting of H.M.L.D.I.T. ‘How Many Licks Does It Take’, devoted to finding how many licks it really does take to get to the center of a tootsie pop. Please present your findings…’
Girl: Did you hear? Bugs Bunny’s on a rampage!’
Girl: Lockhart never gave him his teeth back!
Student #1: Why is everyone complaining about speech bubbles?
Student #2: I don’t know, I myself think they ruin the picture…
Student #3: *comes in and sits down* Hey! They didn’t give us speech bubbles!
Snape: *sees the kids whispering, walks over, and picks up stack of papers* What is this?
Ernie: Creevey here took some random shots of the staff, hard at work… These are just the prints, sir.
Snape: *picks up the photos, looks hard, faints*
Colin: Well, gee, that’s kinda harsh… I didn’t think Filch really looked all that bad in a tutu…
Ernie: Did you hear? It was Potter’s birthday last week. Did you get him a gift?
Girl: It was his birthday? I had no idea… Do you think he’ll get the Slytherin monster to kill us?
Ernie: Oh… I… forgot about that…
Ernie: ‘…To get to the other side!’
Girl: What are you looking at?
Ernie: You’re Harry Potter!
Girl: No I’m not! Do I have a scar on my forehead?
Other Boy: But I wanted to be Harry Potter! I already had dibs on it!
Girl: This is the spell that will vanish Mrs. Norris.
Ernie: Yeah, Potter and Weasley should know those Vanishing Cabinets don’t work…
Ernie: Hey, did you know Disney bought out Harry Potter?
Girl: No way!Ernie: Yeah! Next thing you know it’ll be Harry Potter Meets Animated Rabbits and Ducks!
Ernie: Okay, Potter’s gone. This is the part where we over-obviously talk about him and he comes back and hears us, okay?
Ernie: Okay, everybody… I learned this really funny game. It’s called ‘Duck, Duck, Goose’. I didn’t learn all the rules, but you go around tapping people on the head saying ‘Duck’.
*Three Hours Later*
Ernie: Duck, duck, duck, duck….
Snape: I am not a duck-twenty-thousand points from Hufflepuff for being stupid…
Boy: Okay, maybe this game isn’t so fun…
*Students noisily swapping gossip*
Ernie: …and I hear Snape wears a bra!
*All goes silent*
Ernie: *whispers* Hey! Look what I’ve found in this book!
Hannah: What is it?
Ernie: There’s a picture of Professor McGonagall when she was younger… she looks rather pretty!
Hannah: What year was the book written?
‘Haha, we’ve got Harry very good! He actually thinks he’s hearing voices!’
Girl: Hey guys! Gryffindor Common Room, 8:00 tonight!
Boy: Wait, isn’t it the Hufflepuff Common Room?
Girl: We changed it. It’s cause Harry’s in there. All the girls think Parseltongue is sexy…
Ernie: Guess what? I am SOOOO excited!
Ernie: I just figured out… I’m gonna get petrified! YIPEE!
Hannah: Er, Ernie…that’s supposed to be a bad thing.
‘Give it a minute… wait for it… wait for it…. HA! FOUND HIM! There’s Waldo, right there, behind the giant green chicken!’
Boy: Do you know…the muffin man?
Girl: The muffin man?
Boy: The muffin man!
Girl: Yes, I know the muffin man. That lives down Drury Lane?
Boy: Well…she’s married to the muffin man…
Ernie: Don’t look now! I think there’s a camera aimed at us!
Ernie: OK here’s what we’re going to do… We make the Polyjuice potion, turn into Ron and Hermione, and make Harry tell the truth.
Hannah: But… but… we’re not allowed to use that book! It’s in the restricted section…
Ernie: Do you want to find out if he really did steal the snitch or not?
‘You know, your body doesn’t look anything like the one in this diagram in the book…’
Hannah: Boy, it’s stuffy in here, I could use some air.
Ernie: Well maybe Potter can help you, he’s got plenty of heir in him…
‘…and then he said that Harry … what? Oh no, he’s behind me, isn’t he?’
The Hufflepuff House Legilimency/Occlumency Tournament
‘Pssst, what’s the answer to number 1?‘
‘I don’t think it matters if you mess up your only lines… I heard they’re cutting this scene for the movie anyway…’
‘…Hey, you! Stop looking at the camera!’
‘O.K….staring contest… 1, 2, 3, go!‘
‘Have you heard??? Harry’s taking remedial potions!!’