Week of March 7, 2004
Hermione: Why, why on Earth did I have to turn the Time Turner four times – three would’ve been plenty!
Harry: And now we’re in a galaxy far, far away… cool, there’s Yoda!
‘So, the bartender says to the mushroom, ”Sorry, sonny, but serve lower life forms we do not.” And then the mushroom goes – *Cracks up laughing, falls out of chair, gets a breath, and climbs back in* the mushroom goes, ”Well, why not? I’m a fungi!” *Nearly dies laughing* Get it?! Fungi! Fun-Guy! Aahahahahahah! See? See! A ‘fun guy’ the mushroom is! Ahahahaha! ‘Fun Guy’! *Falls to the floor in a fit of giggles*’
Harry: Who are you?
Hermione: H…Harry, I think that’s your father!
Yoda: …and the most important thing that will help you defeat Lord Voldemort is… –
Yoda: …the thing that will make you most victorious is… –
Hermione and Harry: …Yes?!
Yoda: …You must have green eyes…
Yoda: You may ask me three questions…
Harry: Are you really Yoda?
Yoda: Yes. Thank you, come again.
Hermione: *Thinks to herself* What a waste of time…
Yoda: Man and Wife I do pronounce you…
Harry: Er… Hermione? Didn’t you say we were coming here to see the House-Elf Elder about freedom?
Hermione: Yes, and you just lost yours! *Drags him off to the Room of Requirement*
Harry: What? Don’t I get a say in this?!
Harry: But, master…
Yoda: Hush, say I! Keeping of the secret from Ron that going out you two are, my problem it is not!
‘Go back to Hogwarts, Harry Potter must not!
Hermione: What is that?
Harry: I don’t know… let me touch it and see what it does…
Yoda: No! No touchy touchy!
Yoda: And, dudes, then you were like ‘woah’, and I was like ‘woaaah’, and you were like ‘wooaaahh’…
Hermione: He’s trying to speak to me – I know it!
Yoda: Afraid to lose the girl behind you, you are…
Harry: …what’s that got to do with anything?
Yoda: Everything… for fear leads to anger…
Harry: Well, yes, I guess I’m a bit angry…
Yoda: …anger leads to hate…
Harry: Yes, I do suppose I hate Voldemort…
Yoda: …hate leads to suffering…
Harry: Hey, I’ve suffered enough!
-Amy and Sam
Yoda: Impressive, it is, that young Master Dobby has found his way…. Never thought it possible, did his mother and I…
Hermione: Will Harry be trained as a Jedi?
Yoda: No. If he cannot even tie a tie properly, then clearly the Force is not with him…
Dan: Um… Alfonso, you’re sure he had his shots, right?
Harry: Yoda, tell me, is JKR going to kill me?
Yoda: Hmm… clouded, your future is…
Hermione: Oh my gosh, Harry, it’s Yoda!
Harry: That’s not Yoda, Hermione, it’s Dobby in drag with a lightsaber!
Harry: So you are our new Defense against the Dark Arts teacher?
Yoda: Learn the ways of the Force, you will, if Lord Voldemort you wish to defeat…
Harry: A cup… a ship… a scar.
Obi-Wan: Will you train them, then?
Mace Windu: No, they are too old…
Harry: Darn it! How did you find out that we’re really fourteen?
Harry: Not to be rude or anything, but this isn’t the best time to have a Muppet in my bedroom…
Yoda: Hmm… Understand, Yoda does… wonder where to begin, I do…
Harry: Figures… Professor Lockhart must’ve cast a Summoning Charm for a yodel again…
Hermione: -Well it’s an easy mistake to make – Yoda, yodel…
Harry: Yeah, but wait till he tries to summon up his ‘Tan Polo’ and Harrison Ford appears!
Hermione: Okay, okay, I see your point… Harrison was much better in ‘Indiana Jones’ anyway…
Hermione: Psst! Harry, is it just me, or is Dobby sporting a new look?
Yoda: Hmm! Give me socks, you will!
Harry: Either that or Yoda’s feet are cold!
Yoda: How feel you, young Harry?
Harry: Well, I’m a bit nervous, but –
Hermione: Well I for one am confused – that’s hardly Proper English, is it? And since when is Harry’s mentor supposed to be a wrinkled green midget? That was not in the script! Furthermore, –
Yoda: Being a know-it-all leads to the Dark Side, you know!
Harry: Oh no, it’s Voldemort!
Yoda: Yes. Voldemort am I! Use the Force I will: Kedavra Avada! *nothing happens* dratted vocabulary!
The child of Winky and Professor Flitwick was so strange looking, even Hermione was puzzled.
Hermione: But… what do you call it? Should I try to liberate it?
Yoda: Do or do not, there is no ‘try’…
Harry: Wow, this scene is horrible… who let Mr. Lucas into the script room?
Random Dude ‘Dave’: Yeah, that was me, sorry…
Yoda: Well, Versacorp, you didn’t win in the last task, and here you are in the Board Room, Harry. As Project Manager, you didn’t lead your team well in the task, and I have to say you’re fired!
Harry: Master Yoda, you’re not Donald Trump!
Hermione: But, if you dyed your hair red…
Yoda: There is another Potter… *Looks from Harry to Hermione, then back to Harry*
Harry: *Quietly to Hermione* …what’s that mean?
Hermione: It means there’s going to be quite a few disgruntled Harry/Hermione shippers come the last book…
Harry: Dumbledore says I’m the One, but I wanted a second opinion…
Yoda: Hard to see, the future is… unclear is your path…
Hermione: And I thought Trelawney was bad at predicting the future – this guy won’t even give you a straight answer!
‘May the Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans be with you…’
Yoda: Begun the Defense against the Dark Arts class has…
Hermione: That’s the new DADA teacher?
Harry: First we have a guy with Voldemort on the back of his head, then Mr. Popularity, then a werewolf, then a maniac, then an overgrown toad, and now a house-elf who puts all his sentences in reverse order?! What is this school coming to?
-Amber & Ana
Harry: Oh no, a thousand times no! We’re sick of people trying to force the morals and themes of ‘Star Wars’ into this series- it’s wrong in so many moral and artistic ways!
Hermione: Yeah! We’re tired of your Force-sensitive elitist code and blatantly obvious preference for blood-descendants of some mystical kid so balance is brought to the Force! We’re all about choices here! We are not dependant on blood!
Harry: In the name of protecting kids and moral codes, draw out your wand – this is a duel!
Yoda: Heheh. A lightsaber, have I; better than a wand, it is. Fought evil people twice your size, I have!
Yoda: Harry, Hermione – what if this weren’t a hypothetical question?
Yoda: Wanted to see me, didn’t you, Mr. Potter? Many questions I sense you wish to ask…
Harry: Just one… I’d like to know how we got here…
Yoda: We got here…
Harry: Sorry, I’m not sure I understand you…
Yoda: I understand you…
Harry: Er… please just answer my question…
Yoda: Answer my question…
Hermione: Harry, it’s useless, trust me – how dumb am I…
Yoda: Dumb am I… Blargh! Stupid wizards!