Week of April 4, 2010
Severus Snape and the Last Crusade.
Filch: Voldemort hid his soul in one of these trunks. Choose wisely. The correct trunk will undo Voldemort’s immortality; but the wrong trunk will end your mortality.
Snape: Draco, look for the trunk made in the Muggle parts of London.
Filch: ‘I’m afraid I’ll have to confiscate this cane – it’s non-canon.’
Snape: So, this is my Doughnut of the Month order, right?
Filch: Yep; I heard this month is supposed to be bacon.
Man: Hello, ladies, welcome to the Hogwarts Hotel of En-suite bathrooms, and incredibly comfy beds. How may I help you?
Snape: Ah, yes, me and my friend would like to book a room.
Malfoy: He’s paying.
Man: Of course. I take it you are a couple – so I’ll get you a double room. One bed, or two?
Snape: TWO! I’m not sharing with HIM!
Malfoy: I want a bigger bed than his!
Man: That’s £500.
Snape: How much in Galleons?
Man: You what?
Filch: Mrs. Norris has found an excessive amount of contraband in your luggage, Mr. Malfoy. What do you have to say for yourself?
Draco: It’s not mine… *Looks at Snape*
Malfoy: But why must you search all of the students’ belongings?
Filch: We must make sure no one smuggles Twilight books into the castle again!
Malfoy: Oh, well… go ahead, then.
Snape: I thought I told you to pack light!
Malfoy: This IS light!
Snape: ’30 trunks of luggage? Really, Malfoy? Sometimes I wonder if you really are a girl.’
Filch: I’m sorry, Mr. Malfoy, but you’re not allowed to fly with liquid over 3 ml. So I must confiscate your hair dye.
Snape: I knew that wasn’t natural.
Filch: Did you at any time leave your luggage unattended?
Malfoy: Yes, but only for like a minute.
Snape: What is that mysterious ticking noise?
Snape: I told you to let me know when the Death Eaters arrived!
Malfoy: I know! I’m telling you! It was half past one!
Draco: Give it back!
Filch: No! Now I have access to Malfoy’s secret powers! Blondus Malificus!
Filch: What’s in it?
Snape: Potter’s motionless body.
Filch: You may pass…