Week of June 9, 2013
‘Smells like… invisible mudblood…’
Hermione: *Waves hand* I’m not the girl you’re looking for.
Scabior: She’s not the girl we’re looking for.
Hermione: *Waves hand* You want to go home and rethink your life.
Scabior: I wanna go home and rethink my life. *Leaves*
Hermione: *Thinking* Why, oh why, did I wear perfume in the forest? It could get us all killed… or worse… nevermind.
Snatcher: Smores, I smell smores. Excuse me, beautiful, are you making smores?
Hermione: Uh… no.
Snatcher: Fenrir, check your jockeys, I smell smores!
Scabior puts the finishing touches on his life-size Hermione robot.
‘Hmm… smells like teen spirit…’
Scabior: Your skin looks divine, not at all sallow and pale like mine. Oh, do share your beauty routine, Hermione!
Scabior: You see, that’s the whole reason the Dark Lord recruited me. He already had Snape, Lucius and Draco. With me added in, the fangirls will definitely be taking our side in the next movie!
Hermione: You just wait. We have a secret fangirl magnet. His name is ‘Suddenly Hot Neville.’
Scabior: ‘Do you smell it? That smell. A kind of… smelly smell. The smelly smell that smells… smelly.’
Hermione: ‘I’ve got to get a new bathroom mirror.’
Scabior: ‘Now. Where do I insert the coin to activate her?’
Scabior: Smells like a Mudblood…
Hermione: *Whispers* It’s Chanel.
Hermione: *Under her breath* He’s wearing more eye-liner than I am!
Scabior: Who’s there?
Hermione: Just the wind!
Hermione: ‘So. I snatch things from Hollywood celebrities. Can I join your club?’
Hermione: Wasn’t Greyback supposed to be in charge during these scenes?
Scabior: Shut up. I make a much cooler lead bad-guy dude.
Hermione: Is that what you think? He’s a freakin’ werewolf! He attacks people even when he’s not in his werewolf form. He’s much better than you. You are much less intimidating than him.
Guy in the Back: You guys aren’t supposed to be able to see or speak to each other right now!
Scabior: No, Greyback, you can’t have her for a snack.
Greyback: It’s OK! I had Subway for lunch!
-The Doctor’s Daughter
Scabior: You are sixteen going on seventeen –
Hermione: I’m seventeen, actually.
Scabior: -you need someone older and wiser, telling you what to do-
Hermione: No, I don’t!
Scabior: I am seventeen going on eighteen. I’ll take care of you.
Hermione: Okay, there’s no way you’re seventeen.