Week of October 13, 2013
‘My ever-lasting gloss and Muggle curling machine is missing, Goblin! I WANT THEM BACK!’
Bellatrix: Are you absolutely SURE that they made me 3/4 cups diced peppers, 3 cups chopped lettuce, 1/7 cup dried raisins, 11/3 cups mixed herbs and 1/3 cup of French dressing in my sparkly pink Barbie bowl DON’T FORGET THE BOWL! It MUST be in that bowl!
Trio: *Looking horrified in the background*
Griphook: Er… does it HAVE to go in the Barbie bowl, I thought a Luke Skywalker Jedi bowl might be okay…
The moment after Griphook told Bellatrix her breath smelled bad.
‘You look suspiciously like Professor Flitwick.’
And this week in the All-Magical World Staring Contest Championships, we will see the much anticipated match-up of Griphook the Goblin, representing Team Gringotts, and Bellatrix Lestrange, of Death Eaters United.
Bellatrix: You’re telling me that I’m going to have to wait ’til NEXT year for the Gringotts ride?!
Bellatrix: You disgust me.
Bellatrix: ;So, you stole the Sword of Gryffindor out of my vault, you replaced it with a fake one, you killed my dragon, and yet my pizza took longer than half an hour. I will never call you again.’
Griphook: *Thinking* Must not look at cleavage. Must look her in the eye and listen to her words. What did she say?
Bellatrix: Who got into my vault?!
Griphook: You know what, I think it was the Borrowers.
Griphook: You ever wonder why things always go missing? Well, there’s this tiny race of people who borrow our things and –
Bellatrix: I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS NONSENSE!
Griphook: It’s true. Just ask Draco, Slughorn, or Arthur Weasley. They experienced it first hand.
Bellatrix: I’M GOING TO KILL THESE BORROWERS!
Griphook: Yeah, that worked out so well for Fred Flintstone…
Bellatrix: My God, you can go.
Griphook: I can?
Bellatrix: Yes. With that nose, you suffer enough.
Griphook: ‘Mrs. LeStrange. If you look at this bank statement, your vault couldn’t hold the sword and the bank had to repossess it.’
Bellatrix: Where you from, boy?
Griphook: Dublin, ma’am!
Bellatrix: Only two things come from Dublin: Snuggles and Muggles. And since you ain’t got no cuddly fur on your body, you must be a Muggle. Ain’t that right?
Griphook: No, ma’am.
Bellatrix: I can’t hear you!
Griphook: NO, MA’AM!
Bellatrix: Why is your nose so big?
Griphook: Because Umbridge never told me I must not tell lies.
‘Can’t you give a part of your nose to the Dark Lord?’
Griphook don’t care. Griphook don’t give a s***.
Griphook leans in to kiss her, Bellatrix turns away fast.
Griphook: ‘Sorry, thought we were going there.’