The Magic Quill #100: What’s What

by Robbie Fischer

Back in TMQ #50, we reviewed the plot lines of the “first season” of The Magic Quill. That time has come again – though perhaps belatedly. So let us pick up where No. 50 left off, and take a nostalgic look at “What’s What” in TMQ Nos. 51 to 100…

51. “Tricycle Treadmarks” – We find out what happened to Mr. Weasley’s Anglia and Sirius Black’s motorcycle.

52. “Smart Food” – Miles O’Roughage invents a food that always tastes like what you want to eat…but it has a gruesome side effect.

53. “Locating Ilona, Part One” – Spanky witnesses the birth of Harry Potter…just as the Death Eaters have Godric’s Hollow surrounded.

54. “Locating Ilona, Part Two” – In the middle of a Death Eater siege on Godric’s Hollow, Spanky finds his missing fiancee.

55. “The Cloak of Visibility” – Sadie questions Spanky’s loyalty to the storytelling circle…and Merlin and Rigel find a flicker of hope in the darkest Pit of Gringotts.

56. “The Breath-Ants” – Merlin and Rigel try the first of seven tunnels out of the Pit – and find nothing but a swarm of life-stealing bugs.

57. “The Boatman and the Dragon” – Rigel decides to give up and die, but Merlin forces him to march on…into the clutches of a madman and a sleeping dragon’s lair.

58. “Locking and Loading” – Rigel and Merlin arm themselves to fight the dragon, using products of other fantasy worlds courtesy of “Out of This World Surplus Outfitters.”

59. “The Attack of the Nifflers” – What could be more dangerous: an angry dragon, or 100 playful, cuddly nifflers?

60. “In Memoriam A.P.W.B.D.” – First known to many of you as “[Spoiler Warning]” – The Phoenix Lament interrupts Merlin’s tale, and everyone goes home to mourn a great man’s passing.

61. “A Chat with Ed, Ned, and Tip” – Bo Dwyer kicks off his new WWN program with an interview of Nasal Drip, Britain’s most obnoxious “cauldron punk” trio.

62. “Waiting to Disapparate” – Spanky and Ilona worry about their half-invisible children…Merlin and Rigel find out what happened to skydiving robber D.B. Cooper.

63. “The Tunnel of Boggarts” – After rescuing the Durmstrang lads from a goblin snack bar, Merlin and Rigel encounter a boggart breeding ground.

64. “Boggart In My Pocket” – Merlin and Rigel face their worst fears before falling into the claws of the goblins again.

65. “Hiking, Birdwatching and Wandmaking, Part One” – Another trip to the Pit leads Merlin & Co. to an underground wand tree preserve and bird sanctuary.

66. “Hiking, Birdwatching and Wandmaking, Part Two” – The Merlin Party ekes a living from a nature preserve in the depths of Gringotts, while trying to make their own wands – only what will they ever use for wand cores?

67. “Under the Sic-’em-more” – Encounters with a feisty leprechaun, an augurey and a relative of the Whomping Willow bring Merlin and Rigel closer to escaping from Gringotts.

68. “A Wet Spell” – Side effects of using an augurey feather as a wand core spill over a gruesome monument to a vampire.

69. “Concept Brooms” – Bo Dwyer prolongs the suspense of #68’s cliff-hanger by prattling on about novelty broomsticks.

70. “The Rescue” – The rescuers become the rescued after Rigel falls into a fountain of blood.

71. “The Time Vault” – Rigel’s Hand of Glory leads the party to a mysteriously unlocked vault where time is saved…but can they steal it?

72. “The Yesterday Pill” – Rigel’s impulsive attempt to go back in time to escape Gringotts backfires, relegating him to a second childhood.

73. “Wine, Clowns and Song” – Merlin & Co. receive a shock when the goblins put them back in Il Comte’s vault, and the clowns reveal that they have all jumped FORWARD in time. [By the way, this is where the first Double Challenge appeared.]

74. “Il Comte di Bestemmia” – A deal with a genie sweeps Merlin and his party into a dangerous confrontation with the self-adoring Comte di Bestemmia.

75. “Mammali Enemectus” – Il Comte gets the first of many unpleasant lessons from Merlin and friends, when a horde of chipmunks attacks! Will he ever learn?

76. “The Stupid Stick” – Il Comte and Merlin face each other in a duel, armed with branches of the fabled ugly tree and, yes, the stupid tree.

77. “Lilly Grate” – Mime wizard Boccachiusa saves Merlin’s bacon with a handful of dream dust…before an ill-considered wish lands the party back in Gringotts.

78. “The Thestramule” – An unknown burglar steals a Dumbledore family heirloom from the Hog’s Head, and Merlin rushes off in pursuit.

79. “A Break for Bestsellers” – Cicero Pica reviews the Top 10 books on the Daily Prophet’s Nonfiction List.

80. “The Thief’s Tale” – While waiting in St. Mungo’s for word of Merlin’s condition, Harvey’s circle discovers that the item stolen from the Hog’s Head was a special timepiece.

81. “The Catfish Burglar” – Sadie describes the burglary job that made her first fortune.

82. “The Catfish Burglar, Part Two” – Merlin, selling a home security system, has a chance to stop Sadie stealing a rare herb.

83. “The Bogley Squint Ward” – Rigel and Merlin are reunited in a St. Mungo’s ward full of the victims of spell damage.

84. “The Godfather Clock” – Rigel hopes to cure Merlin’s fox pox by giving him a “food tasters’ friend.”

85. “Head Quidditch” – Orion Oldmanson tells some of his son’s backstory, including the invention of a lucrative sport played by ghosts.

86. “The Literalis Curse” – A disaster in the Bogley Squint Ward leads to the discovery that Il Comte is back and coming after Merlin and his friends.

87. “The Wall That Wasn’t There” – Merlin compresses the rest of his escape from Gringotts into a brief vignette, revealing the door the circle needs to enter Gringotts…and Harvey has the key.

88. “Mother Goosed” – Joe Albuquerque saves the clown wizards from Il Comte.

89. “The Eyedropper Banquet” – Endora warns Karl and his wife Heidi about Il Comte, and uses her gifts to obtain provisions for the bank heist.

90. “Grim Prospekt” – Sadie rescues the body art wizard Anatoly and his illustrated man Friday from Il Comte.

91. “The Wandwright” – Spanky and family warn Jaan the wand maker about Il Comte, and then collect some unusual wands for their upcoming bank heist.

92. “The Last Recruit” – Slavik takes a leave of absence from Durmstrang to tell Harvey his plan for breaking into Gringotts – but they have to do it NOW!

93. “The Rheosaurus Diversion” – Joe, Slavik, Rigel and the Spankison children distract the goblins while the real break-in goes on.

94. “How to Break Into Gringotts” – The goblins try to figure out who done it, but they obviously haven’t read Conan Doyle.

95. “Spoof and the Carpet” – Due to a small hitch in their diversionary plan, Joe and his young helpers are delayed in getting out of Gringotts.

96. “Britannin” – The real target of Harvey’s big heist turns out to be 28 barrels of dragon bogeys…but why?

97. “Bashmace and Ripsnarl” – Joe and Rigel make good their escape from Gringotts, by way of the biggest document-shredding operation in the wizarding world.

98. “Essence of Merlin” – Harvey’s mysterious purpose in planning the theft of wine, potions and dragon phlegm from a dead man’s vault begins to come clear when he proposes the toast: “To living backwards in time!”

99. “Who’s Who” – This is the chapter to bookmark if you have trouble telling one TMQ character from another, or if you want a quick guide for catching up on a character’s backstory.

100. “What’s What” – And that’s that.

Here are the answers to last week’s March of Galleons TMQ Trivia Challenge:

And now, the first DOUBLE CHALLENGE of season three!

To send Robbie your personal feedback or original ideas, visit the Feedback Formhere.

To vote in the Survey and Contest to determine what happens in the Chapter-After-Next, visit the Discussion Forum here.

SURVEY: Whoever drinks the Essence of Merlin potion will end up living backwards in time. Which character will it be? (A) Harvey. (B) our Merlin. (C) Tip. (D) Other: ____.

CONTEST: You’re at a Hogwarts Alumni Reunion and you run into your year’s Yule Ball king or queen. You’re surprised to find out that he or she has an unglamorous, rather sad, magic-related job. What is it?

The Survey answer that gets the most votes, and the Contest entry that Robbie likes the most, will be featured in Magic Quill #102. So be sure to visit our Discussion Thread – and if you aren’t a member of COS Forums, join today!