Fantastic Beasts: Ashwinders to blame for Yellowstone supervolcano
Scribble Inkwell reporting from Yellowstone National Park in the US, where Muggles have discovered what they believe is a massive reservoir of magma hiding up to 30 miles below the surface of their beloved park. A local wizard and Ashwinder breeder has another theory:
Scribble: Mr. Hindsight, are you saying that the Muggles have nothing to fear? That Yellowstone National Park is not sitting atop a supervolcano?
Hindsight: No, no, no, Mrs. Inkwell. I’m not saying there’s no cause for concern, merely that the cause is misplaced. You see, the Ashwinder population at the park has grown significantly over the past 20 years—
Scribble: I thought Ashwinders were only born in magical fires.
Hindsight: Well, you don’t think Yellowstone got there by itself, do you?
Scribble: Er, don’t I?
Hindsight: Of course not. Haven’t you heard of Sparky Yellowstone? Ashwinder breeder from the twenties? Anyway, he started experimenting with creating massive outdoor magical fires for breeding. Problem was, it worked! There are so many eggs now that the Muggles have worse problems on their hands than a supervolcano. Could you imagine if all of those eggs went off at once?
Scribble: Are you saying that Yellowstone is not situated on a volcano but a massive Ashwinder nest?
Hindsight: That’s exactly what I’m saying.
Scribble: But how… I mean, why… I mean, what was Sparky doing with all those eggs?
Hindsight: (Mischievous grin) They didn’t call it the roaring twenties for nothing. Sparky was in the love potion business. How’d you think he kept such a pretty wife all those years? He wasn’t exactly a looker.
Scribble: (Dumbfounded) Do you mean to say Yellowstone is less than a hundred years old? How could that be?
Hindsight: Most massive magical cover-up of the last thousand years. Memories modified all over the world. International conglomerates banning together. It was a mess. Had to convince Muggles they’d been there before. They even came up with a cartoon about the park—bit about a bear stealing picnic baskets or something of the sort. I never did see much interest in Muggle entertainment. But they couldn’t catch old Sparky. People say he went to live with the Muggles himself.
Scribble: Huh… Well, thank you Mr. Hindsight for the, er, information.
Hindsight: No problem, Mrs. Inkwell. Love to be of service anytime you need an expert correspondent.
Scribble: Er, right. I’ll keep that in mind.
Blurry Hindsight has be fined over 345 times for violations of the US Magical Beast Breeding Act, so I suppose if anyone can recognize a fellow violator, it’s him. If you are planning a visit to the park, please be cautious. Neither supervolcanoes nor massive underground Ashwinder nests are to be taken lightly.
Back to you, Arabella Featherman.
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