Muggles Debriefed Their First Day on the “Fantastic Beasts'” Set

As Muggles and wizards converged on Warner Bros. Studios, Leavesden in a unified effort to retell the life of Newt Scamander, more than a few eyes popped at the news that wizards do exist…

“I just couldn’t believe it. I really…” He jumps as a dragon on a leash is led past, “… I… they’re just so real,” says Eddie Redmayne, reaching out to stroke the tail.

The witch manning the dragon’s tail swats his hand. “Are you crazy, boy? This here’s a Hungarian Horntail.”

“Will we be seeing it in the movie?” I ask.

She shrugs. “No word yet. Keeping everything hush, hush.” She blows a hair out of her face. “Watch it!” she yelled, tackling Dan Fogler to the ground as the Horntail’s tail sweeps toward him.

Mr. Redmayne stares in wonder.

Many of the Muggle cast have been administered large doses of Calming Draught by Madam Pomfrey, who was contracted to be on set for the news breaking ceremony.

“Hogwarts will be starting school very soon…”

“Yes,” Madam Pomfrey says, pausing to refill a tray of shot glasses from a vat of Calming Draught, “and I’ll be glad for it. Never heard of such a thing. Breaking news like this to unsuspecting Muggles all at once.”

“How is the Ministry planning on preventing them from speaking?”

Madam Pomfrey frowns as she hands two cups to Colin Farrell. “Memory Charms are to be administered to every Muggle whenever they leave the set. Going to make their brains like Jello by the end of it.” Shakes her head. “And this…” – she motions to Redmayne, who has the appearance of being hit by several Confundus Charms at once – “every time they have to break the news.” She swats away Mr. Farrell. “You’ve had enough of that!”

“Can such treatments be considered a violation of Muggle rights?”

“Absolutely,” says Hermione Weasley. “This is exactly the kind of thinking we’re trying to prevent with SPEW. Wizards walk around…” – motions wildly – “… as if—”

“Is she doing magic?” Katherine Waterston asks. “Eddie, come see!”

“I’m not… stop that!” Hermione swipes at Colin as he tries to lift her off the ground.

“Here you go, Mr. Farrell.” Madam Pomfrey slips a tall glass of frothing potion into his hand. “Everything is going to be all right.”

Colin giggles and follows Madam Pomfrey to a line of cots.

“This is absolutely absurd,” Hermione fumes. “We partner with Muggles to produce the first ever Muggle-Wizard film, and this is how we treat each other? Like tools to be manipulated for our own good.”

“Have you heard the plan to perform Memory Charms on the Muggle cast whenever they leave the set?”

“No!”

“Madam Pomfrey informed me herself.”

“Well, we’ll see about that!” A loud pop, and Hermione is gone.

For more behind-the-scenes news stay tuned to MuggleNet!

-Scribble Inkwell, Daily Prophet