MoM Elections: Rita Skeeter – Waverly’s Hatstall

This year’s MoM elections are shaping up to be an interesting one for the wizarding community. We have quite the crop of candidates. But can they all be trusted? Are some of them hiding things from their past? Well, readers, I dove in and found all the dirt on this year’s candidates.

William Waverly, Muggle-born, Muggle-loving, and a happy little Hufflepuff. Or is he? Yes, he might have adored the signature black and yellow during his Hogwarts years, but according to reliable sources, I found that life could have been very different for Waverly. On one of my many trips to the Ministry, I met with some officials who went to Hogwarts with Waverly and told me some juicy stories. Apparently, Waverly’s Sorting took a suspiciously long time, something we all know as a Hatstall.

“Oh, yes,” said Millicent Cornish, Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes employee and third-year Ravenclaw during Waverly’s Sorting. “Willam’s Sorting lasted much longer than most. He must have been up there for five minutes before the Hat finally put him in Hufflepuff.”

I myself find that very suspicious. If Waverly is this kind-hearted friend of the community he claims to be, why would the Sorting Hat so long to place him in Hufflepuff? That is, unless he bargained his way into the badger House. That’s why I made it my mission to find out which House the politician could have been placed in, and you won’t believe what I found.

I talked to Waverly’s old school friend, Bert Fawley, a fellow Hufflepuff, who was only too happy to talk about his Hogwarts days. “Oh, yeah, good old Waverly was a Hatstall. We always joked about what would’ve happened if he had gone the other way. The Hat seriously considered putting him in Slytherin. Funny combination, huh?”

A funny combination indeed. I suspect that Waverly must have persuaded the Hat to put him in Hufflepuff, due to the old stigma that Slytherin House had. But the Sorting Hat sure is a challenging thing to convince. For example, it’s widely known that Hogwarts professor Neville Longbottom tried to ask the Hat to Sort him into Hufflepuff, but it refused.

How did Waverly do it, then? Did he use his natural Slytherin cunning and deception? Is he now following his blind Slytherin ambition to try to become Minister of Magic? Is he trying to dupe us all like he duped the Sorting Hat all those years ago? I’m not trying to stigmatize Slytherin House; I know many of you readers are smashing Slytherins yourselves. My point is, Hufflepuff and Slytherin Houses are polar opposites, and I’m not sure I trust a man who is so unbalanced, especially if he tries to hide that part of him from us.

I’m here to give you the real facts on this election, readers! For the Daily Prophet, I’m Rita Skeeter. Happy voting!