If You Wanna Murder Potter

to the tune of “Wannabe” by the Spice Girls

Things were grim in the Wizarding World in 1996. As the Hogwarts school year began, it became apparent quite quickly that the Ministry was interfering at Hogwarts and Voldemort’s reach was beginning to grow. A little known fact at the time, though, is that while He Who Must Not Be Named was recruiting new Death Eaters to his cause, he also had minions infiltrating the non-magical world. These loyal few reported back current happenings and advised when opportunities to leverage ideas existed.

Previously buried in a secret archive, we can now uncover details about a little known campaign to recruit potential Death Eaters based on the success of the Spice Girls – a mixed Muggle/witch band who were, at that very time, achieving the type of world domination the Noseless Wonder could only dream of.

Whilst we cannot disclose which members of the famous band are indeed secret members of the magical community, we can leak this version of their most popular single. Turn up your Wizarding Wireless…

(high, cold laugh)
Ha ha ha ha ha

(Voldy)
Yo, I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want

(Bella)
So tell me what you want, what you really, really want

(Voldy)
I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want

(Bella)
So tell me what you want, what you really, really want

(Voldy)
I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha)
I wanna really, really, really wann Avada Kedavra!

Voldy’s my future, Tommy’s my past
Wanna live forever, gotta murder fast,
So join my cult now, don’t waste your time
Noses are optional, but we smell just fine

(Voldy)
I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want

(Bella)
So tell me what you want, what you really, really want

(Voldy)
I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha)
I wanna really, really, really wann Avada Kedavra!

If you wanna murder Potter, you gotta get past his friends,
Join for lots of slaughter, friendship julienned
If you cannot murder Potter, we will just forgive
There’s still a few more books and he is the boy who lived!

Oh, what do you think about that
Now you know who to kill
Say he got away again? Are you for real
(Are you for real)
What are you doing? Give Crucio a try,
If you can’t Incendio, at least Stupefy!

(Voldy)
I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want

(Bella)
So tell me what you want, what you really, really want

(Voldy)
I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha)

If you wanna murder Potter, you gotta get past his friends,
Join for lots of slaughter, friendship julienned
If you cannot murder Potter, we will just forgive
There’s still a few more books and he is the boy who lived!

So, here’s a story from A to Z
You wanna kill with me, you gotta listen carefully
We got Snape in the place, making grumpy face
Lestrange is deranged and finally free
Nagini makes three, she’s a real lady

And as for me, ha you’ll see

Split your soul now and hide it all around
Split your soul now and hide it all around

 

 

 

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Aneeta Menon

I work in the learning and development of adults (who can’t be given detention), cater to the ever changing whims of small nifflers, and listen to the HP audiobooks on repeat.

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