What Slytherins Can Learn from Gryffindors

Do you know the best thing about Hogwarts? It’s clearly segregated. The peace of being comfortably secluded in our quiet lair down in the dungeons, having as little interaction as possible with those loudmouth Gryffindors… What more could a Slytherin ask for?

But to my surprise, I have come to realize that there might be something worthwhile to learn from this babbling bumbling band of baboons as well.


1. All About the Bloody Action


In this picture, Seamus just blew up his water glass.


Slytherins like to think everything through. You never know when you might need plan K option 23. You have to be prepared for everything. But apparently, these Gryffindorks don’t think that’s necessary. They’re almost annoyingly impatient to jump to the execution part. Although sometimes this habit can lead them to make utterly reckless decisions that blow up in their faces, they simply learn from the mistake and somehow get more work done. It sounds (and looks) excruciatingly uncomfortable. Still, maybe the Slytherins could try some of this whole learning-by-doing thing too.


2. Owning Your Idiocy



I admit Slytherins can be a little too calculative about… well, everything. We have to. We have an image to maintain. While we’re trying to act proper, these Gryffinidiots are out there blurting the first thing that comes to their mind with no care for how stupid they sound and – unsurprisingly – make absolute fools of themselves. Even then, they somehow manage to shake off the embarrassment and carry on as if nothing happened… How?!


3. Befriending Anything That Breathes



Slytherins have their own circles, though they tend to look more like sporadic dots. Mind you, we’re quite content with our small groups. Still, very occasionally, I can’t help but be a little envious of the herds of Gryffindolts that turn up at parties. Being wired to be strategic, Slytherins tend to overanalyze their every interaction, while the folks in red seem to not think… at all. Granted, “thinking” itself might be a difficult activity for them, what with the one brain cell they pass around. Yet I do wish the Slytherins could maybe chill out a little and not question everyone’s ulterior motives. I think it might be possible that they’re not all out to get us.


4. An Insufferably Strong Moral Fiber


Harry wields his wand to fend off Voldemort in “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.”


Find me one Gryffindull who doesn’t launch into an elaborate rant about “the right thing” at every given opportunity. I do believe moral ambiguity is a Slytherin’s gift, but it can also easily turn into a curse. Don’t tell those weirdos, but while I might roll my eyes whenever they launch into one of their annoying little monologues, I’ll replay them in my head to help myself navigate through the nasty choice paralysis.

5. Brave Little Buffoons



Now that I get to work closely with these Gryffindafts, I’ve come to realize that while it is true that their inclination toward bravery is born out of abysmally low impulse control and an annoying hero complex, it’s more of a choice than an innate ability. A lot of it is about making bold decisions and having utter faith in yourself, especially when all odds are stacked against you. Looking at them makes the rest of us feel like we could be brave too. It’s just a matter of choice.


All in all, they’re all right, I guess. I don’t hate having them around. Then again, a rivalry is only fun if there is a worthy opponent to contend with.

But please keep this to yourself. Their blazing red and gold egos don’t need any more inflating.


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Pranjal Tipnis

At any given moment I'm either a Slytherin or a Hufflepuff... there is no in-between.