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  • April Fools / The Quibbler

A Note from Professor Dolores Umbridge

by Lizzie Gladwyn · April 1, 2016

The Ministry of Magic has always praised the efforts of MuggleNet and the role it plays in educating a new generation on the wonders of the magical world. My highly successful time at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry has allowed me to understand the issues facing a younger generation of witches and wizards. I feel it of unique importance to guide the failing youth through the troubled world that awaits them. After the successful implementation of my Educational Decrees, I am in a special position to advise the magical community on how to provide the best education for young students.

Our current political climate is at a crossroads. I have previously warned the students of Hogwarts against progress for progress’s sake. Since history has a habit of repeating itself, it appears that I, too, must remind the community of the lessons learned by a previous generation. Progression is an issue of utmost importance: We need to safeguard our precious, magical blossoms from the thorns growing among us.

Source

The Ministry is excited to be working with the staff of MuggleNet to maintain the standards expected of its educators. This partnership will provide the readership with a clear, responsible agenda and will enable our readers to grow into respectable members of the magical community. It is important for all young witches and wizards to have a wider understanding of the world around them but to not be scared by inaccurate or falsified information. To provide reassurance that the quality of MuggleNet will not slip, the Ministry will have the power to amend or remove any posts on MuggleNet.

To promote the development of well-rounded citizens, we have produced an extracurricular activities list. These Ministry-approved activities and clubs will strive to push this failing generation to become highly prized members of society. Therefore, we will be disbanding any groups, clubs, and teams that do not have the same Ministry-approved agenda.

Source

It has also come to our attention that the SpeakBeasty, MuggleNet Academia, and Alohomora! podcasts are being produced by non-Ministry-supported staff. We wish for every young person to have the chance to be taught by the most highly qualified, Ministry-approved professors. After all, education is the key to unlocking a successful and rewarding career. Furthermore, to ensure the quality of the views being shared on this website, we will temporarily be suspending these podcasts.  The Ministry wishes for you to become aware of the false stories spread by those who wish to pursue their personal agendas.

Source

For the reasons stated above, we also advise against the reading of non-Ministry-approved texts. I have selected a catalogue of suitable titles that will guide all generations toward more useful ideas and topics for their enjoyment! Please find my personal recommendations here.

I wish to thank MuggleNet for the warm welcome I have received, and I look forward to imparting my wisdom to all staff and readers.

Dolores Umbridge Signiture

Dolores Umbridge

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MuggleNet Archive

Important Dates

May 2025

Fri, May 9

Charlie's friends take Norbert(a)
Recurs yearly

1992
Approximate. Exact date unknown.

Sat, May 10

Gryffindor wins Quidditch Cup; Harry and Ginny first kiss
Recurs yearly

1997

Harry, Hermione, and Neville lose 150 house points
Recurs yearly

1992
Approximate. Exact date unknown.

Mon, May 12

Domhnall Gleeson's birthday
Recurs yearly

Bill Weasley (DH1, DH2)

Tue, May 13

Robert Pattinson's birthday
Recurs yearly

Cedric Diggory

Samantha Morton's birthday
Recurs yearly

Mary Lou Barebone

Zoë Wanamaker's birthday
Recurs yearly

Madam Hooch

Thu, May 15

Pomona Sprout's birthday
Recurs yearly

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Did You Know

Albus Dumbledore sees his family in the Mirror of Erised, just as Harry Potter does.

Potter History

July 11, 2007 – Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix opens in United States theaters.

Potter Quote

“If you want to know what a man’s like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals.”

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