Pucker Up: The Best Kissers from “Harry Potter” to “Fantastic Beasts”

It’s July 6, and do you know what that means? It is National Smooch Day. Seriously.

Our newest staff writer here at the Dirigible Plum accepted a challenge to seek out the best kissers from Harry Potter to Fantastic Beasts, and what she found as she waded through the murky waters of tongues, saliva, and lips was that there are a distinct number of kissing styles, each one unique from the last.

The best kissers? That is largely subjective and speaks to a preference of pressure, movement, and mouthfeel. It would be arrogant to declare the best kisser when their style might or might not “boil your broccoli.” So instead, our staff writer has compiled a list of some of the kisses she came across not necessarily in the order of best to worst.

*Disclaimer: Each kiss was given with consent, and as much as we would like to add the golden trio to this list, they asked (read: begged) the Dirigible Plum to be left out of this one.

Ready? Three, two, one… Snog.

 

The Frenchie

Ahh, the king of pashing. Tongue interplay is a big one here, adding just the right amount of tongue, saliva, and mouth. Perhaps the most well-known kissing style yet severely the least well-mastered. Top tip for this one: As the French say, less is more. Who makes out like this? One very smoldering and well oiled Severus Snape.

 

The Peck

This chaste innocent maneuver is appropriate for all sorts of kissing. The peck can be performed anywhere (as long as your partner agrees): the hand, the cheek, the lips, the shoulder, the bottom…! It is a salute to love, like, and greeting. So who gave me this kind of caress? It was Minerva McGonagall, but I won’t say where…

 

 

The Bite

This move is perhaps the French kiss leveled up. One must incorporate a little nibble into the smooch before it can be considered a bite-type kiss. Word of warning: Be very careful here with pressure. Something that Fenrir Greyback would do well to remember.

 

 

The “Lizzy” or Lizard

To execute this embrace, you stick your tongue in and out of your boo’s mouth at a rapid pace. This was perhaps the least palatable of all kisses experienced. It comes highly unrecommended, and I feel for Narcissa. Then again, she may be into it, and good for her. Thank you, Lucius Malfoy. That was an experience.

 

 

The Earlobe Kiss

Taking a break from the lips, the earlobe kiss is less of a kiss and more of a little nibble, suck, or tug around what is actually an erogenous zone. Packed with nerve endings, the earlobe can be an excellent place to get things moving and grooving. Though he may be missing an ear, George Weasley certainly knows what to do with yours.

 

 

The Neck Kiss

This smackaroo is a huge turn on (usually). It is commonly followed by the French kiss. Keep in mind, however, that a neck kiss is supposed to be soft and gentle, and the amount of saliva involved needs to be kept to a minimum. I regret not addressing this in the beginning with Sanguini.

 

 

The Sloppy Saliva

Speaking of saliva, if that’s your thing, then you go, girl! Therefore, as a fan of being left with a beard of saliva on your face,  Mundungus Fletcher is the guy for you.

 

 

The Single Lip

A warm-up move and a playful hint at what is to come, the single lip kiss is pretty much as the title says – kiss bae’s bottom lip while they kiss your top lip or vice versa. Is Jacob Kowalski single by the way? *Asking for a friend.*

 

 

The Vacuum

Though it may sound dangerous, the vacuum is anything but. It, literally, takes your breath away. Performed with a mix of the Frenchie, one sucks in the breath of their partner as they kiss. Also asking for a friend, is Queenie Goldstein single?

 

 

The Spiderman or “Upside-Downsies”

Oh my, Nymphadora Tonks. Though initially not quite sure what she meant when she suggested levitating upside down, this make out move was surprisingly exhilarating. I can only imagine how much Remus Lupin looks forward to their date nights.

 

 

The Muah (or Mwah)

The muah is named for the onomatopoeic sound you make after planting this sucker on your partner. I assumed Seraphina Picquery would not want to take part in this challenge, let alone announce the kiss loudly afterward. Then again, she might have been drunk.

 

 

The Ghost

The ghost is a teasing kiss that seems like it is going in for the mouth but moves to the cheek at the last moment. Madam Rosmerta certainly knows how to serve up a hot cocktail of kissing. That’s for sure.

 

 

The “Bisous Intime”

The make or break kiss. Greet your partner with the French “bisous” but falter slightly so the edge of your mouth subtly makes contact with theirs. You are never quite sure if it happened or not, and the excitement is thrilling. This one, expertly delivered by Fleur Weasley (née Delacour), got my heart racing.

 

 

Happy kissing! Which one was your favorite?

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