New Year, New You, New Job
Muggles, whether you like them or not (we seriously hope you do, otherwise p*@#off), have come up with the most imaginative ways to get things done. Look at electricity, airplanes, TikTok, and spreadsheets. Their lives are a wonderous tapestry full of intrigue. However, we at The Quibbler wondered if there were some Muggle jobs that wizards could apply for. (If you are in the market for a new career of course.)
So we searched, and we found the ten weirdest jobs currently on the job market in the Muggle world that may be improved by magic.
Starting off strong, this is legitimately a career choice, and it pays surprisingly well. Orientated around helping with soap and deodorant production, Muggles sniff test subjects (other Muggles) to see how well the product has performed over time and on varying bodies. We don’t see how this can be improved by magic apart from Obliviating yourself after a particularly foul odor – which does happen according to armpit sniffer professionals.
Hold on there – it is not what you think. (We think.) A chick sexer is a person who determines the gender of poultry soon after they are born. There actually is a job vacancy at the moment, and we think it would be a fairly cute job. Magic improvement? None unless you have invented a sexing spell, and please don’t – it sounds utterly dubious.
Car Plate Blocker
Do you live in Iran? Muggles have been hiring people to block their car license plates from police cameras, outsmarting the zoning rules for certain cars. We think this could be easily solved by a Concealment or Confundus Charm, so magical persons may find a winning job here.*
Scuba Diving Pizza Delivery Man
This is an actual job held by a Florida man in an underwater hotel. We think that, though the Muggles’ ways of keeping the food dry are ingenious, wizards could easily surpass the hassle here with many different drying, Bubble-Head, and encasing charms. However, as there is currently only one job like this out there and it is already filled, perhaps try your luck in another field.
Dog Food Taster
This job is as it says on the label. Why is it needed, you ask? Well, someone has to make sure pets like their food. Say what you like, but some pooches can be very discerning. We are not sure if this job could be improved by magic, and we are leaning towards… not. However, if you don’t mind eating chewy chunks and dusty biscuits, why not give this career a go?
Also called moirologists, this is a growing field where Muggles pay other Muggles to come and mourn at funerals. It is considered a show of respect to have more faces at the funeral and also helps others – who are grieving for real – grieve in a larger group. We guess it is a cathartic experience for those involved. Wizards do not have an upper advantage on Muggles here – unless old black Victorian dress robes are required, then they may pull ahead in this one. Do you want to though?
Over in Japan, there is a market for train pushers. (Maybe not in the current climate, but keep your eyes peeled.) We don’t mean pushing the actual train but the Muggles wanting to board it. Around rush hour, this can be a fairly stressful job. It is seeing this job in action that makes you question whether we should intervene and cast an Extension Charm on all Muggle public transport and just be done with it.
Paint Drying Watcher
We cannot believe this job exists, and it is indeed important. Someone has to know how new paint formulas will perform on multiple surfaces. According to research, this is a very fulfilling career. We think we’ll leave that to the Muggles though.
Imagine writing your job title on LinkedIn as “Zombie.” Some Muggles do this, and there are multiple positions around the globe. Could this be done better by wizards? The standard of special effects makeup has increased immensely in the last couple of years, but we believe some quick transfiguration work could top it and be less messy.
Professional Line Stander
Do you know someone who likes to line up? If so, this could be a great career for them to either hold someone’s place in a queue or make a store look like people can’t wait to go in. We don’t know if this would be easier with magic or just with a large portion of patience. Either way, you could literally be earning money while standing and doing nothing.
New year, new you, new job. What are you waiting for?
*Disclaimer: In no way is The Quibbler encouraging you to cover your license plate and drive where you are not allowed to. It is wrong. Funny, but wrong. Please do not do this.