Alison Sudol Opens Up About Her Miscarriage: “I Just Couldn’t Put Myself Back Together”
We all adore Alison Sudol as Queenie Goldstein in Fantastic Beasts. Queenie went through a tough emotional battle in Crimes of Grindelwald, eventually joining Grindelwald’s ranks after being lured by the promise that she would be allowed to love Jacob Kowalski if the Dark wizard is in charge of things. As it turns out, Sudol knows a thing or two about going through emotional battles. She faced one of the most devastating losses a few years ago: miscarriage.
In an interview, Sudol, who is now the proud mom of a baby girl, revealed that the miscarriage she suffered engulfed her in unimaginable pain.
I think it’s this difficult concept for a lot of people to take in, especially if you haven’t had a miscarriage. The grief is very, very deep and profound because … you haven’t met that person yet, but your whole world opens up to them in that moment.
She said that finding out she was pregnant was one of the most wonderful moments of her life, but then her world got turned upside down when she suffered a miscarriage. She described it as “the most devastating, raw, unavoidable kind of grief that I’ve ever gone through,” adding, “I just couldn’t put myself back together.”
Sudol tried to work through the pain and grief by writing an entire album about it. She says that she’s learned to live with the loss but that the grief has stayed with her. Now, she simply tries to live in the moment and enjoy every second she gets to spend with her daughter. Self-care is something she prioritizes, saying that it makes a world of a difference in how you show up for others, and it doesn’t even have to be something big; the joy is in the simple things.
It doesn’t have to be, you know, like, extravagant but taking a shower and then putting a nice lotion on afterward. And taking a minute with my body sometimes; it’s not really taking that much time, but it’s taking a breath and between sort of practical things to notice where you’re at.
While having suffered a miscarriage has been one of the most painful things Sudol has ever had to endure, she hopes her story helps other women feel less alone. She also encourages others to share their stories to help support those who go through this painful experience alone.
There is a whole universe of women who have also gone on this journey. I think we need to support each other because it’s a big responsibility and there are big sacrifices. There are big fears to face, and I think, the more we can open the doors to our innermost hearts to each other and support each other through that, the better.