What Zodiac Signs Really Mean According to Ginny Weasley
Here at The Quibbler, we tend to follow the celestial meridian. Star signs and the like play an important part in our decision-making; for example, did you know that we try to never hold a board meeting while Mercury is in retrograde? Or that during the cycle of Virgo, we methodically arrange every item in our kitchen from smallest to tallest? Some might say this is superstition, and certainly, Ginny Weasley was skeptical of anyone who reads into horoscopes at all. In fact, she said something along the lines of, “If anyone quotes the zodiac to me, I immediately cast a Muffliato Charm in their direction and zone out.”
Whether you believe in star signs or prefer to clap back at the zodiac, here is Ms. Ginny Weasley’s take on what the signs of the zodiac really mean.
Aries – The Ram
Common traits: Assertive, brave, competitive
Ginny’s take: You are blunt, have a head thicker than a dragon’s hide, and resist the urge to flip over your table at a restaurant when the wrong meal arrives.
Taurus – The Bull
Common traits: Dependable, focused, sensual
Ginny’s take: You are amazingly stubborn and never reply to owls because you are probably asleep at 8:30 p.m.
Gemini – The Twins
Common traits: Versatile, kind, curious
Ginny’s take: You have too many facial expressions, always put away the dishes incorrectly, and follow Kanye West on that Muggle site, Twitter.
Cancer – The Crab
Common traits: Intuitive, sentimental, protective
Ginny’s take: You’re passive-aggressive, have a penchant for Persian rugs, and constantly doom scroll through the Daily Prophet every night before bed.
Leo – The Lion
Common traits: Vivacious, outgoing, fiery
Ginny’s take: You’re dramatic. You know you are because you just said, “I AM NOT!” In your head, after reading that.
Virgo – The Virgin
Common traits: Gentle, analytical, sophisticated
Ginny’s take: You’re a touch anally retentive. All the labels on your tinned food face northeast, and your most used spell is Tergeo in case someone puts a fingerprint on your desk.
Libra – The Scales
Common traits: Diplomatic, social, selfless
Ginny’s take: You say sorry too much, but you always share your lunch.
Scorpio – The Scorpion
Common traits: Funny, optimistic, loyal
Ginny’s take: You can be pretty prickly when things don’t go your way or when your flatmate forgets to return your library books.
Sagittarius – The Archer
Common traits: Intellectual, independent, direct
Ginny’s take: You start every sentence with “According to my nine Outstanding OWLs…” and you never tip.
Capricorn – The Goat
Common traits: Serious, tenacious, disciplined
Ginny’s take: You like rules but then get pissed off when they apply to you. You also start letters with “I hope this finds you well.” We all know you don’t hope this letter finds me well.
Aquarius – The Water Bearer
Common traits: Detached, original, deep
Ginny’s take: Time is a construct for you. You hand in all your work late, but it’s so bl*#dy good you always get away with it.
Pisces – The Fish
Common traits: Artistic, creative, empathetic
Ginny’s take: You are somewhat divorced from reality but, then again, you are an excellent party pal.
What do you think? Was Ginny on the money or, was she just mean? What does your star sign say about you?