If “Harry Potter” Characters Went to Ilvermorny

If you’re anything like me, the new information about Ilvermorny recently released has sent you into a full-on panic. You’ve been defined by your Hogwarts House for so long that it seems impossible to identify yourself as anything other than that one, color-coded animal — especially when the Ilvermorny Houses seem so initially bewildering. Which one is the “smart” House?? What do you mean, I’m ruled by the body? Is Pukwudgie the Hufflepuff House of Ilvermorny?? What does this all mean??

After you calmed down a bit, I’m sure you, like me, realized that the American wizarding Sorting system is entirely different and not the slightest bit comparable to its British counterpart, but just in case you haven’t reached that phase of hyperventilation yet, here’s a brief summary: At Ilvermorny, students are defined by what motivates them, not by what they value.

This begs the inevitable question: Where would Harry and his friends end up if they were Sorted according to the Ilvermorny method of categorization rather than the Hogwarts one?

Let’s speculate:

Horned Serpent (represents the mind, favors scholars, defined by how they think)

• Hermione Granger – Obviously.
• Albus Dumbledore – Even with all the talk of love (total Pukwudgie indicator), Dumbledore makes too many decisions based on strategy and logic (sometimes at the cost of others) to not be a Horned Serpent.
• Voldemort/Tom Riddle – Cold, calculating, and totally driven by a thirst for as much knowledge as possible when it comes to Dark Magic.

Wampus (represents the body, favors warriors, defined by what they do)

• All the Weasleys – Every member of the Weasley family is driven by a desire to fight to be perceived as something more than what they appear and to have their abilities taken seriously―from Ron’s desire to prove himself when measured against his older brothers and friends to Fred and George’s desire to prove that their joke shop “rubbish” is a serious business. Not to mention, they’re all crazy-accomplished wizards on the battlefield. Anyone need a reminder of the Molly Weasley vs. Bellatrix Lestrange duel?

Thunderbird (represents the soul, favors adventurers, defined by experiences)

• Harry Potter – Definitely favors adventure. Definitely a product of every experience he faces, beginning with that first encounter with Voldemort as a baby.
• Neville – Every experience Harry faces could have been Neville’s if the results of that prophecy had gone a little differently, but everything Neville does experience throughout his time at Hogwarts transforms him from a bumbling, forgetful first year to the extraordinary hero we all know and fantasize about (what?).
• Sirius Black – One of the most adventurous, confident, rebellious souls in the series, in my opinion.

Pukwudgie (represents the heart, favors healers, defined by what they feel)

• Luna Lovegood – She probably discovered the Pukwudgie, let’s be real.
• Rubeus Hagrid – You kind, beautiful, compassionate soul. One of the biggest hearts in the series, both literally and metaphorically.
• Remus Lupin – Remains patient, kind, and generous despite all of the prejudice he faces in his life, which is a clear indicator that his human feelings are able to overcome an instinct that could have led to bitterness and anger.
• Snape – Your own opinions on whether Snape’s actions should be idealized or not aside, there’s no denying that every major choice he made throughout the series was rooted in his undying love for Lily.

What do you think of my own Sorting? Would you make any changes? Which Ilvermorny House do you identify with?