A Little Bit Draco

to the tune of “A Little Bit Alexis (From Schitt’s Creek)” by Annie Murphy

As a huge Schitt’s Creek fan, one of my favorite episodes has to be the eighth episode of the fifth season, where Alexis decides to try and audition for Cabaret with a song from her own television show. This song was written by Annie Murphy, who played Alexis, and it is one that is fun and flaunts the wealth and life of luxury that Alexis once lived. I can’t help but think of Draco every time I listen to this song, so I couldn’t help but write this version from Draco’s own point of view.

Are you ready?
Let’s do it

I’m a Nimbus 2001, I’m a Quidditch Star
I’m a little bit tipsy when I fly my broom
I’m expensive firewhisky, I’m a pure-blood wizard
I’m not the heir of Slytherin even when Potter thinks I am 

I’m a little bit
I’m a little bit
I’m a little bit
I’m a little bit a —

La la la-la la la la, a little bit Draco
La la la-la la la la, a little bit Draco
La la la-la la la la, a little bit Draco
Hide your Galleons, hide your Remembralls, I’m a little bit Draco

I’m a dragonskin handbag, I’m not a house-elf
I’m a little bit amazing when I’m a bouncing ferret
I’m above this class, it’s a little bit Riddikulus 
I will tell my father if you steal my look

I’m a little bit
I’m a little bit
I’m a little bit
I’m a little bit a–

La la la-la la la la, a little bit Draco
La la la-la la la la, a little bit Draco
La la la-la la la la, a little bit Draco
Hide your Galleons, hide your Remembralls, I’m a little bit Draco

La la, a little bit Draco
La la, a little bit Draco

Everybody’s got power (Inquisitorial Squad)
Everybody’s got a Hand of Glory (Light to the beholder)
Everybody’s got a mission (He’ll kill them)
Everybody’s got a Hippogriff (It’s killed me)
Everybody’s got a manor (Peacocks)
Everybody’s got a vault (It’s full)
Everybody’s got a stalker (It’s Potter)
Everybody’s got money (Gold)
But now, you’ve got Draco
Broom broom, witches

La la la-la la la la, a little bit Draco
La la la-la la la la, a little bit Draco
La la la-la la la la, a little bit Draco
Hide your Galleons, hide your Remembralls, I’m a little bit Draco

Hah-hah, broom broom, witches
Hah-hah, broom broom, witches
Hah-hah, hah-hah hah-hah
Hey Potter!

He’s a little bit
He’s a little bit
He’s a little bit
He’s a little bit Draco
La la, a little bit Draco
La la, a little bit Draco
Broom, broom witches

 

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Jessica Thompson

Somehow, despite reading the Chamber of Secrets and Goblet of Fire books first, I still became a huge Harry Potter fan and fifteen years later I am still crying over the books on a daily basis. Writing and sharing my love for all things Potter is a dream come true.