Why Hogwarts Should Definitely Be Your #1 Choice of School

Another school year has started. And for those with a 10-year-old, this may trigger some thoughts of selecting the best wizarding school for your child next year. This is Willie Haberdash here to remind you that it’s time to mark your calendars. Enrollment for Hogwarts next fall is on January 26!

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry has been the safest school, providing the best quality experience and education for the past thousand years. Here at Hogwarts, we take pride in our unique standing in the wizarding world. From a brilliant categorizing of children based on personality to quality teachers, your child will forever have fond memories of this school. Below, we’ve listed some of the top things Hogwarts has to offer.


Determining a Youth’s Whole Identity

Caption Contest, Week of February 4, 2007


There is no better time to determine a child’s character than at the beginning of puberty. This is why a talking hat determines what kind of person your child is now at the age of 11 and who your child is destined to be for the rest of their life. We separate students into four Houses. Gryffindors aren’t afraid of anything. Hufflepuffs are people pleasers. Ravenclaws are overachievers. And Slytherins are almost always racist bigots. Each student is expected to live up to these qualities at all times under their selected House.


High-Quality Teachers



The vetting process when selecting top educators is unique but not uncharacteristic for Headmaster Dumbledore, who holds the moral high ground of judging a person’s character. Each Defense Against the Dark Arts professor goes through a stringent background check with a series of foolproof questions such as “Are you a murderer?” So far, it’s been quite effective.


Builds Character


Caption Contest, Week of July 16, 2007


Our very own Potions professor, Severus Snape, will be someone you can depend on taking your child down a peg or two… or three or four! From insulting your child’s family members to public humiliation, Snape does it all. No coddling at this school, no siree.


No Therapy


Caption Contest, Week of April 11, 2004


Speaking of no coddling, we also expect students to bottle up their trauma. We don’t mess with school counselors or mental health specialists. The magical world itself is the best medicine. The joy of knowing you’re a witch or wizard at the best possible school always puts things back into perspective. And there is no tragedy a Cheering Charm can’t fix.


The Sweet Sound of Disembodied Voices



There is nothing more enchanting than walking through the school corridors late at night and hearing distant whispers coming through the walls. Not knowing where the disembodied voice comes from is part of the fun and adds to the mystery. And your child is in for a heart-stopping surprise if they follow it!


Unpredictable Castle



The staircases help keep students on their toes (figuratively and literally), with some flights of stairs moving at great heights and trick steps that are sure to bust a kneecap. And Peeves the Poltergeist will give your child surprises at every turn, such as pelting them with cold water balloons and disrupting classes. This just gives students real magical world practice. Constant vigilance!


Only One Casualty a Year



One casualty a year is no small feat. This is extremely significant considering the magic that runs through the halls daily! And because the casualty almost always happens at the tail end of the school year, rest assured the student will have an extra year of education before their demise. Bonus: There is always some kind of memorial to pay tribute to the fallen soul.


Unconventional Discipline



While we do believe that there are consequences to actions, we also believe in adding a bit of fun to detentions. Detentions include walking through a dark forest with giant spiders, sometimes murderous centaurs, and evil dark lords drinking from unicorn corpses. Let the hilarity ensue. And writing lines the traditional Muggle way is a thing of the past. It now comes with a twist. Surprise! Your child will not be writing with ink.


Well, there you have it. Hogwarts is hands down the best school for your child. The school is safe, the teachers are vetted, and the grounds and castle itself contain wonderful surprises at every turn.

If you would like your child to be selected, please enroll by January 26. Acceptance letters will be sent out in July (PLENTY of time to prepare for your child’s departure on September 1).


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Jillian Loveday

I grew alongside Harry since I was 12 years old. It is such a treat to be a part of the best book club any Harry Potter fan could ask for. I graduated in 2016 with a Creative Writing degree and since then I have been doing freelance writing on the side. Outside of the literary world, I love the outdoors, hiking, and binge-watching Parks and Rec for the billionth time.