Kreacher’s 2021 Kitchen Gadget Must-Haves
Kreacher has been asked to review items every good wizarding family needs in their kitchen this year because the wretched brats are spending more time at home. Many witches and wizards are entertaining their children by making acid pops and cauldron cake pops. These magical parents have also decided to try and cook meals on their own without magic to keep them occupied. Many witches and wizards have been bothering their house-elves to ask what tools they need to cook and serve food with. Kreacher took time out of his busy day serving the noble house of Black to tell the ungrateful witches and wizards what kitchen gadgets they need this year.
A Cookie Jar
Since the humans are not leaving the house, have a cookie jar near the kitchen door so the snot-nosed imps can grab treats and leave Kreacher alone to cook for the ungrateful urchins.
Mason Jars
Avoid going to markets and grocery stores filled with nasty nuisances by growing your own food in gardens and pots and then pickling and canning your own vegetables for the winter.
Asparagus Tongs
Since witches and wizards are being lazier and exercising less than usual, they need more vegetables. Plus, these tongs are good to grab the noses and ears of naughty witch and wizard offspring.
Cucumber Server
If you want to avoid smelly vegetables, use these to serve up cucumber slices. But uncultured swine need to know these are not for pickles.
Pickle Fork
These are what the noble house of Black used for pickles before the grubby prison escapee became the master of the house.
Cake Breaker
You can show off the wondrous glory of the Black family silver with this cake breaker, which is how civilized people would cut cakes before barbaric knives. Oh, how I long for the days when Mistress had fancy dinner parties with good wizards.
Grape Shears
Bring out more of the illustrious House of Black silverware with grape shears. These were used to separate grape stems in the good old days when manners were very important. While these are still good to use as grape shears, you can also keep obnoxious children at bay by threatening to snip their noses.
Potato Ricer
If you truly want to entertain your mischievous munchkins and be productive in the kitchen, put potatoes through a ricer and make mashed potatoes, hash browns, quiche, and lefse.
Ice Cream Slicer
Besides cutting a nice block of ice cream, these are good to scare away the craven kids who want to go too near the stove.
Ice Cream Fork
Once you serve the ice cream, eat it with this classy cutlery. Despite what Master Sirius may have told Mistress about these, they are not what the nasty Muggles call a “spork.”
Rubber Duck
Entertain the shrieking brats and nosy blood traitors with this device, and leave the house-elves alone as they do the cooking.
Kreacher has to go back to cleaning the noble house of Black. I hope these are helpful to cook and serve food with as well as to keep the ungrateful wretches away from the kitchen when someone is working.
