Professor Trelawney’s 2021 Hogwarts House Horoscopes: Summer Edition
Greetings, my dear fellow magical folk. It is I, Professor Trelawney, here to share some of my predictions for the upcoming summer. After the immense popularity of my previous horoscope column, my gracious hosts at the Quibbler asked me to return, and I knew that I could not deprive you good people of the truth about your summer. If you did not have the pleasure to join us the last time, I am sharing horoscopes based on your Hogwarts House, which I find can be more reliable than using your zodiac sign.
Oh, my sweet little Hufflepuffs, your summer will be…interesting. I want to leave some mystery, so I won’t tell you exactly what you will come across, but I will just say that you should be prepared for any situation you may find yourself in that involves magical creatures. Any situation. Near the end of summer, something you’ve been looking forward to will occur but not in the way that you expected it to. I recommend adding some cardio to your daily routine – you may need it. Remember that flowers are to trees as pickles are to trees and that your favorite stuffed animal is not in fact a stuffed animal, and everything will be fine.
My dear brave friends, Muggle sunscreen is your friend. Remember how I said previously that this will not be your year? Well, it won’t be your summer either. Your Hufflepuff friends will be out having an interesting summer, and unfortunately, unless you find a Hufflepuff to attach yourself to, your summer is looking to be less than eventful. That’s okay. Not everyone needs to have crazy adventures that involve being attacked by Acromantulas. Honestly, they’re kind of terrifying. If you own a cat, frog, or lizard, you might want to lend them to your favorite Hufflepuff for the summer… Just saying. But let’s focus on you for a minute, Gryffindors. This summer, you will do everything you can to avoid your summer homework. This is fine, but just remember that September will arrive sooner than you think it will.
Clever eagles, remember how I mentioned whimsy in my last horoscope column? That time is now. Accept whimsy into your life. One of your own will be throwing a massive party this summer. I urge you all to attend. Yes, parties aren’t your favorite thing, but I promise that you will not want to miss this one. This party will be whimsical and informative at the same time. You may even get a summer internship at a popular publication, that I myself write for, out of it. Your Gryffindor friends may need some help completing their summer homework. Before you agree to help, ask them who they spent time with this summer. If they hung out with a Hufflepuff, I advise you to tell them that they are on their own. Do not accept any parchment from them or anything else for that matter. You never know what will be hiding in their belongings. Unless you are fond of Acromantulas, then, of course, feel free to accept anything they give you.
Everything around you will be aligning in your favor this summer. The other Houses will be preoccupied with some sort of fiasco, and it will be your time to branch out and further all of your plans without any hindrance in your path. Make sure to take advantage of that this summer, and the rest of your year will run smoothly. Support your fellow Slytherins this summer. Everyone’s companion Hufflepuffs will be involved in that fiasco, so you all must rely on each other until you get back to Hogwarts in September. Avoid bananas and the color orange. Don’t ask why – I promise you do not want to know.