17 More Ways to Annoy Umbridge

From the way she dresses to the way she clears her throat with her infamous “Hem, hem,” Dolores Jane Umbridge has made many of us want to strangle anyone wearing even a hint of pink. Sadly, as much as I’d like to curse her into the next century, I can’t exactly hop into the world of Harry Potter on a whim – believe me, I’d have done that ages ago if I could. But that doesn’t mean I can’t fantasize about antagonizing her as a student (cue evil, maniacal laughter). Here are 17 ways to annoy Umbridge till she combusts.

1. Arrive late for her classes with your robes in terrible shape, then noisily plop down into your seat and start doodling on your book.

2. …And every time she hovers close to you, hum some famous Muggle tunes while bopping your head to the beat.

3. Whenever she asks you a question, always respond with a question of your own. “Well, Professor, what do you think it meant?”

4. As soon as Umbridge makes a statement, immediately shout, “Aye, aye, captain!”

5. Get caught hanging a “He’s back!” banner with matching Voldemort caricatures all around the DADA classroom.

6. Fawn over her cardigan and shriek, “On Wednesdays, we wear pink!”

7. If the old hag puts you in detention, purse your lips and react in an extremely comical, faux-innocent way.

8. Insist on bringing her some Honeydukes chocolate because she just needs some semblance of happiness in her life.

9. Present her with different pastel bows at random times.

10. When you’re in her office, coo at the feline plates and tell her how they remind you of Mrs. Norris.

11. Send her a gift card for Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes.

12. …While you’re at it, go ahead and send her one of your favorite products.

13. After she finishes scolding some poor first years, shove a drawing of a sad face emoji into her hands.

14. As she’s talking about how theory will be enough, constantly cough and mutter “stupid” or “that’s not gonna work.”

15. Every time she’s got a particularly smug look on her face, duck and yell “Peeves! You’d better not be doing what I think you’re doing!”

16. When she’s being called into yet another classroom to fix a prank gone wrong, send her one of those “You’re doing great!” cards.

17. Schedule a spa appointment for her, and when she asks, say it’s because you’re concerned about her wrinkles.


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Princess Jhode Datu

I'm both your typical nocturnal Slytherin who sometimes has a Ravenclaw identity crisis and a theater kid who loves literature and the performing arts. And, yes. I can be petty and dramatic :D